Bulls good at turning silly into art form
Imagine if the Bulls held another players-only meeting Monday to vote upon a variety of issues.
To be honest, it would be viewed as positive for a team evolving from dispassionate to dysfunctional.
The Bulls might have decided to lend Joakim Noah to NASA as a space cadet, lock interim coach Jim Boylan in a toilet stall during games, and endorse SpongeBob SquarePants for general manager.
Also, the players could have decided to have their uniform tops washed with Tide and bottoms with Cheer, wear Mickey Mouse ears during tonight's game in Orlando and have umbrella drinks for lunch Wednesday in Miami.
Oh, yeah, as sort of an afterthought there would be a recommendation that current GM John Paxson trade them all for a power forward -- either the Grizzlies' Pau Gasol or the Blackhawks' Tuomo Ruutu.
Bulls players could forward their decisions to Paxson, who is expected to rubber stamp them as if he were still in charge.
The Bulls might even believe all this could be done without anyone noticing, considering they are increasingly irrelevant.
When inquiring minds exposed the players' recent backroom maneuvering concerning Noah, it sounded as if they were proclaiming, "We are … da Bulls!"
Listen, even if the Bulls' meeting Monday in Florida was held in my imagination, the previous one was silly enough.
In a league where players enjoy an unlimited budget of power, the Bulls looked like they exceeded it.
I mean, I knew Boylan was an interim head coach. But I thought that meant until Scott Skiles' permanent replacement could be hired, not until the players commandeered the henhouse.
Perhaps you heard by now that the one-game suspension Boylan assessed Noah was extended after a players-only meeting.
Apparently the Bulls thought it would be better to lose to Atlanta on Sunday by 21 points instead of 10.
Boylan had suspended Noah for a variety of transgressions that included a verbal altercation with assistant coach Ron Adams.
Perhaps Boylan didn't really let the players add the extra game. Maybe he merely listened to their points, considered them valid, and then made the final ruling like a good manager should.
That's a lot different than the coach caving in to the players.
Still, appearances are that a coup was conducted by sheriff Adrian Griffin (who sees little more playing time than I do) and deputy Ben Wallace (who plays slightly better than you could).
Wallace is the obvious candidate to be a team leader since he won an NBA title with the Pistons. Then again, he's also the guy who made a fuss over a headband last season, arrived late for a couple of playoff games, and is suspected of faking an injury to get Skiles fired.
Oh, yeah, did we mention Wallace more often has played like a stiff than a star?
Other than that, Wallace is the man to follow. You know, as long as the Bulls' core of young veterans is incapable of leading.
That's OK, though. If a team can't be competitive, be comical. If it can't win laughers, be a laughingstock. If it can't be taken seriously, be seriously mistaken.
Just when it looked like the Bulls couldn't be any more of a mess, they became messier.
Maybe they should televise their next players-only meeting instead of their next game.
That would be better theater, don't you think?
mimrem@dailyherald.com