A eulogy to 'Uncle Mickey'
My name is Ann Graham Deuel. I have the privilege of being one of Mike Graham's "favorite nieces." I will return his Irish compliment by saying Uncle Mickey was one of my "favorite" uncles.
In my work community, funerals are called "home goings". I've grown very fond of that expression because despite our great sadness at the loss of our brother, cousin, father, uncle, poppa, and friend -- Mike Graham, our faith assures us that Mike has gone home to Christ, and to all of his family and friends who preceded him in death.
Our faith should help make Uncle Mickey's "home going" a time to celebrate his life. Julie and Jerry, Mike and Karen, Geri, his grandchildren and the rest of Mike's extended family have been comforted over the past few days with the kind words of friends and acquaintances and with our own rich memories of a very good man.
I have a few stories I want to tell about my Uncle Mickey - and a few observations that I hope will cause people to think about the impact one person can make in this world.
Mike Graham went by a number of names during his lifetime. He started as Francis Thomas on September 10, 1927. He hated the name Francis -- but grandma liked it. I asked her once why she named him Francis and she responded that she hoped that he would turn out like St. Francis of Assisi. She also said (at the age of 93) that she was still waiting.
His family nicknamed him Mick because he looked like our grandfather's uncle, Mike Doyle. Uncle Mickey was the seventh of nine children born to Thomas and Anna Graham. Our Aunt Ann recalls a younger brother who was shy, quiet and retiring as a child. She remembers him always following their father around the farm. He would walk behind Grandpa Graham as he plowed the fields. When he was too tired to follow anymore he would go to the nearest tree and fall asleep under it.
Uncle Mickey's retiring nature began to change in adolescence and young adulthood. I imagine that he was trying to keep up with his younger brother Wally and his cousin John Mullery who were more extroverted and a little more confident. Growing up there were a lot of stories told about Uncle John, Uncle Wally and Uncle Mickey. My mom told me that it was Grandma's habit to make all of the family kneel and say the rosary every Friday night during World War II as added protection for our Uncle Tom and Uncle Ed. This was not the way Uncle Mickey wanted to spend his Friday nights. I recall being told a story about some unwitting friend of Mick, Wally and John's who showed up at the farmhouse, was drafted into kneeling and praying by Grandma -- while Uncle Mickey managed to slip out unnoticed.
Uncle Mickey and my other uncles also had reputations as ladies' men. The stories I was told were deliberately vague, but I think that Uncle Mick, Uncle Wally and Uncle Johnny were what are called "players" today. This impression was confirmed a few years ago when I took Uncle Mickey out to Ascension Cemetery to put flowers on the graves. As we walked, Uncle Mickey was reading the grave markers commenting: "I dated her, I dated her, I dated her…. It was no doubt due to his own roguish behavior that Uncle Mickey was very protective of Julie and his nieces as we all navigated our various romantic relationships. There would never be a man good enough for his daughter or for any of his nieces. He tried to convince us that we would be better off single because men were ultimately no good. My cousin Helen told me that as Uncle Mickey walked her down the aisle to get married he let her know that they could turn around at any point. I wondered at Julie's wedding if he would actually hand her over to Jerry -- there were a number of us envisioning a struggle at the alter. I heard that his granddaughter Stephanie had a boyfriend -- I asked him about it and he just shook his head dejectedly.
Uncle Mick had a "boys will be boys" attitude about his son and his nephews. My brothers recall the fun that they would have when Uncle Mickey would drop by to visit our mom. He would roughhouse with my brothers and cousins -- creating havoc and then leave the claming down to his sisters or sisters-in-law.
There wasn't a family party that didn't get better when Uncle Mickey arrived. He was fun, funny, and self deprecating. He would sing -- often badly -- folk tunes, with Jimmy Crack Corn recognized as his signature song.
There are too many funny, warm and memorable moments with Uncle Mickey to recount here. Instead I want to remind my cousins, Uncle Mickey's grandchildren and his great nieces and nephews about his legacy. In one of today's reading, Paul writes in Romans, Chapter 12:
"If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously…"
Uncle Mickey is known as the father of the open space movement in Lake County. He believed passionately about protecting the land from overdevelopment and the adverse effects that overdevelopment would bring to the environment and to the citizens of this county.
He fought his crusade in the eighties -- at a time when our country was infatuated with the "greed is good" culture and philosophy. Uncle Mick was fanatical about protecting the land so that future generations would have their own place to "walk the fields" and find a tree to "fall asleep under".
Visionaries are often assaulted in their own time. Uncle Mickey'' passion was perceived as arrogant, aggressive and, interpreted by some, without thought to the "human element". Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Passion for doing the right and just thing can often frighten those who are less fearless and assured. This country has grown because of passionate visionaries -- the American revolutionists, the abolitionists, the suffragettes, the labor leaders, the civil rights activists, anti war protesters, corporate and government whistleblowers -- the leaders of these movements and activities were all called names -- mocked and challenged in their respective times, by those who did not want their own comfort levels to be changed for the greater good.
Uncle Mickey was a visionary who withstood the attacks of huge developers and politicians who may have had something to gain if development occurred unhindered. In the eighties, the environment wasn't the trendy cause du jour it is today. Uncle Mickey persevered with his beliefs and today Lake County is better for his perseverance, vision and passion.
Equally important to Uncle Mickey was taking care of those less fortunate. Again I refer to today's reading:
"If you have money, share it generously…when God's children are in need be the one to help them out."
Uncle Mickey believed in feeding the hungry, clothing the poor and providing a financial hand to those in need. This is a legacy of the collective Graham, Rudd and Mullery families. Uncle Mickey honored the memory of his parents and ancestors by making sure that people were cared for in a respectful and dignified manner. He established and maintained a township food pantry and he personally loaned thousands of dollars over the years to those less fortunate. He made sure the elderly and the handicapped were not forgotten. His son Michael recently found evidence of Uncle Mickey's generosity in the notes of appreciation he received from individuals he helped.
My uncle did not die a materially wealthy man -- but he was rich in spirit, in faith and in courage. Let all of us be comforted by his example, encouraged by his leadership and leave here today not only praying for those who cannot find good things to say -- but more importantly vowing to fight our own good fights for just and noble causes with the same integrity and spirit that Mike Graham demonstrated throughout his life.
Two final short comments:
St. Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of animals and the environment…Grandma got her wish after all.
-Geri Graham, Thank you for being there for Mick, Julie and Mike.
-Jerry Adzima, Uncle Mickey had admiration and respect for you as you took good care of Julie and your children --
-and Karen Graham, you were a phenomenal daughter-in-law who unselfishly dedicated yourself to my uncle's care and well being. On behalf of our family -- thank you.