Hospice program helps kids cope with loss

Colleen Merletti of Maple Park was overwhelmed with the needs of her children and her own grief when her husband died suddenly last June.

She found help through Fox Valley Volunteer Hospice and Herbie's Friends, a bereavement program for families the agency facilitates.

"I went because of my children, and then I realized I really needed the help, too," Merletti said. Her sons are 6 and 12. "I didn't want them to think they were the only ones going through this, that they were different."

Fox Valley Hospice offers the free program for children ages 4 to 18, and their families, three times a year in Geneva, Aurora and Elgin. The next eight-week session will be from 6 to 8 p.m. Jan. 7 through Feb. 25 at Fox Valley Presbyterian Church in Geneva.

The program is based on the beliefs that children and adults grieve differently, and that families deserve a safe place to grieve, and express difficult emotions.

"When children are grieving the loss of a family member or a close friend, they feel isolated," program facilitator Dawn Zappitelli said. Zappitelli has a master's degree in social work and experience working with troubled adolescents.

"They also want to protect their parents' feelings," Zappitelli said. "They don't want their parents to see them grieving. Our program puts children in age-appropriate groups so that they can talk to each other. The adults have their own group.

"I've seen incredible bonds develop," she said. "And many continue to support each other after the program ends."

According to Zappitelli, life after a loss can become so chaotic that the simple practice of eating a meal together may be threatened. Communication can break down.

Each session of Herbie's Friends begins with a meal that adults and children share together. Then children and adults separate to meet in smaller groups. Topics for discussion and sharing include feelings, memories and support systems.

The program originated in 1994 when Ken and Judie Klaas, formerly of Aurora, founded a family bereavement group. They had discovered that children, youths and their families in Kane County often had nowhere to turn for help in coping with a loss.

The first meetings were held at a church in West Aurora and at the Salvation Army in Aurora. The program was named after Ken's brother, Herbie, who was hit by a truck when he was 5 and Ken was 3. Fox Valley Volunteer Hospice took over the program in 1999.

Translation is available for families who speak Spanish.

For information, call Zappitelli at (630) 232-2233, ext. 225.