Legendary coach tries to rebound from toughest loss

People have long-admired Don Davidson for his class and dignity. For 31 years as Aurora Christian's head basketball coach, his quiet strength and calm demeanor have defined his towering presence. To hundreds upon hundreds of young people, Davidson has been an anchor of leadership.

His steely composure amid the loud craziness of a packed gymnasium holds true in even the toughest of times, which this last year has been for Davidson and his family.

It's been little more than a month since the love of his life passed away. On Oct. 30, Stephanie Davidson lost her battle with liver cancer and went to be with the Lord, just months after she and Don celebrated 40 years of marriage together.

The loss has been beyond difficult -- which is one reason why Davidson is still coaching basketball. During all their years of marriage, Davidson was always a coach, beginning the year before they exchanged vows when Don headed up the eighth-grade team at Yorkville Middle School.

"Steph" -- a friend to all who had the joy of meeting her -- was the best assistant coach Don had. She was with him for every game, which included nine more years as head coach at Yorkville High School before he created the athletic program at Aurora Christian.

She's still there, only sitting in a different set of bleachers.

Cancer wasn't exactly a stranger to Steph. She'd had melanoma surgery on her back 24 years ago, and at the time, doctors told her if the cancer ever reappeared, it would come back in either the lungs or the brain.

More than two decades passed. No relapse. Then, exactly one year ago, tests found cancer in the lower lobe of her left lung. The family opted to postpone surgery until after Christmas, and in early January, the lower portion of her lung was removed.

She was back on her feet shortly thereafter and underwent more tests, only to learn of the devastating diagnosis -- her cancer had now moved into her liver.

"I'd read enough about cancer to know that once it reaches your liver, you're in big trouble," Don said.

The Davidsons' pain intensified. While undergoing treatments to boost her immune system to fight the cancer, Steph suffered a stroke last spring, further complicating her recovery.

"She really wasn't herself after that," Don said. "The stroke had a big effect on her."

And Don, as well.

"When we said "for better or for worse" 40 years ago, we meant it," Don said. "I was going to serve her."

Don spent most of his time in the ensuing months at Steph's bedside. For the first time, he didn't do any summer league coaching, leaving those responsibilities to his three assistants. He served his role as athletic director, but was rarely at school past 3 p.m. on most days. Even during Aurora Christian's exciting football season -- in which the Eagles advanced to the Class 3A semifinals -- Don missed all but the final two games.

Steph's caretaker worked Sunday night through Friday, leaving it up to Don or his daughter, Mindy, to be with Steph on weekends.

As basketball season approached, Don gathered his assistant coaches.

"If the Lord doesn't take my wife (before basketball season), I'm not coaching," Don told them. "I'm not retiring, but it wouldn't be fair of me to come home every night at 6:30 to say "Hi, Honey' and leave again first thing in the morning."

Perhaps Steph really did want Don to coach. She passed on a Tuesday, less than one week before basketball practice was to begin. Her funeral was held Nov. 3. On Nov. 5, the Eagles broke practice, with Don Davidson as head coach for the 31st season.

"It's been very difficult, but the worst thing I could do is go home at 3 o'clock every day and stare at the wall," Don said. "Staying busy has been one of the best things for me."

There's even been upheaval on the court. Due to the football success, eight of his players -- more than half the team -- weren't available for the Eagles' first three games last week at the Windmill City Classic in Batavia. In their absence, he allowed his underdogs to shine -- players whose time on the varsity would be limited.

"They knew they might get cut," Don said, "so I told them to enjoy it while they can."

Six cuts came last Monday when the eight football players were added to the roster.

That was routine in comparison. Before practice began last week, Davidson admitted to his players that "my focus isn't there all the time." That was particularly evident during pregame warmups for AC's season opener the day before Thanksgiving at Batavia.

"Whenever I come out of the locker room, the first thing I do is look for my wife, just to see where she's sitting…she was always there early," Don said. "(At Batavia), it was hard when I looked up and realized she wasn't there."

He did recognize Art and Karen Gustafson of St. Charles -- who've been coming to AC games for 25-30 years and whom Steph normally sat next to. Seeing them without Steph alongside made that night all the more difficult.

But then the game began, and his love for coaching took over. In many ways, basketball has been therapeutic.

The next day, Thanksgiving, the source of Don's strength surrounded him -- his family. Sons Matt and Marc, daughter Mindy and their respective families have helped coach Dad through it all, and vice versa. Matt is now a school superintendent in Arizona while Marc -- a father of five boys -- is the head basketball coach at his college alma mater, Trinity International University in Deerfield.

Mindy works as Don's secretary three days a week ("I've never had a secretary before," Don said, "so to have my daughter helping me is really nice.").

Don once talked about retiring from coaching after Marc graduated AC in 1991. Sixteen years later, he's still talking about it -- not retiring, that is, but coaching.

"I still love it," Don said. "I've asked some old-timers 'How do you know when it's time to quit?' They said when you stop liking practice, it's time. I'm not there yet. I still really enjoy all the practices and games."

Next Tuesday, Aurora Christian will walk past the soaring statue of Michael Jordan to play a game at the United Center. Steph will be there in spirit, and this time -- rather than hard, wooden bleachers -- she'll have a padded seat with armrests.

And the same, cheerful smile.