10 easy ways to become a quote whore

How could anyone resist a movie that critics call "a breathtaking thrill ride"?

Or a movie that critics proclaim to be "the funniest comedy of the year"?

Or one that critics say "takes terror to a new level"?

Gee, those movies sure sound exciting, don't they?

But before you shell out your hard-earned ticket admission for a movie touted as "an action spectacle of weight, splendor and vast entertainment value," you need to ask yourself a question: Who are the people serving up these enticing, come-hither movie quotes?

Many of them come from established, credible film critics such as Roger Ebert, Andrew Sarris, Nell Minnow and Jonathan Rosenbaum.

But the others -- and you know what I'm talking about -- come from a shady group of "critics" we've never read, seen or heard of.

They're Hollywood's undercover marketing agents, media people who aren't necessarily film critics or even journalists, but are touted in national movie ads as if they equal America's top cinema writers.

You could call them "plants" or "posers." Erik Childress prefers a more descriptive term: quote whores.

"The quote whores are the easy ones to spot," Childress says. "They're the ones cited on all the bad movies. The names you see on movie ads before the movie opens are typically from quote whores.

"Take a look at their quotes. You will not find these quotes written down anywhere. They're not in reviews. You've never heard them on television. They're just quotes written specifically for the studio reps."

Since 2002, Childress has become the Dr. Van Helsing of quote whores. He relentlessly tracks them, exposes them and tries to warn the rest of us about them in prolific columns on his Web site www.eFilmcritic.com and during guest appearances on Nick Digilio's Sunday evening show on WGN 720 AM.

Childress is a past president of the Online Film Critics Society and currently sits on the board of directors for the Chicago Film Critics Association. He works out of his home in Elk Grove Village, where he has lived all of his 32 years. That's where he compiles dossiers on people whose names constantly appear on early movie ads excreting enthusiastic praise.

"It started when I was going through my newspaper," he says. "I noticed names like Earl Dittman and Shawn Edwards would appear in ads for films that were the worst you could possibly find, movies that no regular human being would enjoy, let alone a professional film critic."

Then Childress noticed something more disturbing.

"I later noticed that established names like Peter Travers of Rolling Stone and Jeffrey Lyons of NBC would be on all the ads for movies, both good and bad. Then I started wondering about critics who are so happy to have their names on ads that they praise everything. Where's the criticism if you appreciate everything that's out there?

"To me, they are more dangerous than your average quote whore."

Although critics of film critics, such as Variety editor Peter Bart, have brushed off traditional movie writers as obsolete in a democratized Internet world, Hollywood studios continue to lust after fawning quotes from critics.

In 2001, Sony Pictures employees became so desperate to obtain critical acclaim for four movies, including Rob Schneider's "The Animal," that they created fake quotes through a fabricated critic named "David Manning."

I, too, have been tempted with the promise of movie ad immortality. In 1995, an MGM official made me an offer I had to refuse. She gave me a set of six quotes raving about the quality of the James Bond thriller "GoldenEye."

"Pick one you like and we'll attribute it to you," she said. One of them said, "The best Bond of all!" I told her that was wrong because everyone knows "Goldfinger" is the greatest 007 film.

"Oops," she replied. "I'm sorry, but that one is taken!"

Childress knows exactly how this game gets played.

"I've actually seen pages where Earl Dittman has provided a studio with a dozen quotes to use for a single movie," he says. "Just quotes. Not a review. Just quotes."

December is just around the corner, which means that Childress will be naming his "Quote Whore of 2007" after the final flurry of movie ads.

Last year's champion, clocking in at 69 movie blurbs (including "Shocking! A genuinely terrifying trip!" for "Touristas") was Maxim's Pete Hammond.

Who will be Hollywood's favorite shill of 2007?

"Well, Pete Hammond is in the running to keep his title," Childress said. "And Shawn Edwards has finished in the top five in the last couple of years, so you can't count him out."

(Edwards could not be reached for comment Wednesday at Fox affiliate WDAF-TV in Kansas City, Mo. A call to Dittman at Wireless magazine in Houston, Texas, was not returned at press time.)

Childress acknowledged that even the credible critics are part of Hollywood's marketing machine, for good or bad. But they are professional entertainment journalists with integrity.

"Quote whores masquerade as if they've got journalistic integrity, and they're not journalists. They're not film critics," he says. "You need critics to stand between the public and the recycled hyperbole that passes for entertainment journalism.

"We are that dividing line. We are the people you want on the front lines to take the hit first."

So the next time you see an ad that says "best movie of the decade!" and it's still 2007, don't buy it.