Last chance for 'Don't Spit'

I came. I saw. I sprayed.

It's the same story every week, told by winners and losers alike of "Don't Spit The Water!," the live improv comedy game show that has one more Saturday night at the Metropolis Performing Arts Centre in Arlington Heights.

The setup couldn't be simpler: Three rounds, three minutes each. Three audience members are selected to compete onstage for points and prizes.

Their object? To keep a mouthful of water for 60 seconds at a time while "some of Chicago's most hilarious underground comics," according to the Web site www.metropolisarts.com, attempt to get them to gush with giggles.

Since its 2004 debut at Chicago's Playground Theatre, "DSTW" has been making quite a splash, subsequently becoming the surprise hit of NYC's comic "Fringe Festival" and necessitating a spin-off version, soon to premiere in North Carolina.

What's more, faux Eastern European co-hosts Sasha and the Noob (played, respectively by co-creators Steve Gadlin and Paul Luikart) have become media darlings, appearing on television, at sporting events and perhaps most importantly, all over You Tube.

In the guise of an investigative journalist, I dropped in on a recent performance to see what all the sputtering was about.

Admittedly, I was skeptical. After all, here was a show that name-checked '70s TV atrocities "Make Me Laugh" and "The Gong Show" as influences.

And frankly, after nearly a decade of talk radio and "reality" television, I've pretty much come to despise the concept of "audience participation" shows. Whatever happened to professional entertainers? Will this cultural "amateur hour" never end?

Thankfully, yes. With Sasha and the Noob on hand to crack wise, execute clumsy choreography and mop up after any other job-related spills, there was little more for the contestants to do than state their (first) names, occupations and submit to holding their breath for a minute at a time, if need be.

The pair were ably assisted by an announcer named Big Dummy, played by Tyler Landsdown, who specializes in "I'm sooooo stupid jokes," musical cues and other sound effects, and Timekeeper Willis, played by Bryan Bowden, with a sadistic superhero mask hiding his face and a Frisbee-sized clock over his bare chest.

Willis flexes considerable caustic wit along with his muscles and if the latter appeals to you, you can make your own muscles with the help of "Timekeeper Willis' Workout" DVD, on sale in the lobby following each show.

Truth be told, I didn't give up too many chuckles for the comedians. I'm not saying they weren't funny, but comedy is nothing if not subjective, and if a portly man clad in union jack undies isn't your cuppa, there's always the next show, featuring a completely different set of jokesters.

Who won the contest with what score? Thankfully, that's never the point of this rollicking snicker fest, though the winner does get their photo posted on the "DSTW" Web site for posterity.

The set consists of three chairs, three dry-erase scoreboards, one stool and a chintzy red and silver backdrop that hangs awkwardly in the background (not to mention a floor in varying degrees of dampness) but the look is dumpy by design.

"Our original idea was to present a failing game show with failing comics and failing co-hosts," said Gadlin, in a post-performance interview.

Fortunately for us fun-seekers, that original idea was not a success.

If you go

What: "Don't Spit the Water!" live improv comedy game show

Where: Metropolis Performing Centre for the Arts, 111 W. Campbell, Arlington Heights

When: 10 p.m. Saturday, final show at Metropolis; then to Playground Theatre in Chicago in January

Rating: R, for adult language and humor

Tickets: $16.50

Call: (847) 577-2121 or visit www.metropolisarts.com or www.dontspitthewater.com