'Hatchet' a sick valentine to '80s killer thrillers

• Watching "Hatchet" is like time-warping back to the early '80s when hordes of indie killer thrillers such as "Friday the 13th," "Humongous," "The Burning" and "Madman" offered legendary boogeymen who would cut, chop, rip and crush sexually active young people in various stages of undress.

"Hatchet" writer/director Adam Green pays affectionate, twisted tribute to the horror films of his youth, right down to the insipid, kill-me-first characters, groaner dialogue and ridiculous splatter effects.

Here, a boatload of New Orleans tourists (who apparently never heard of Hurricane Katrina) become stranded in the swamp where local deformed maniac Victor Crowley (Jason Voorhees star Kane Hodder) turns them into human shish-kebabs.

Two young women (Mercedes McNab and Joleigh Fioreavanti) supply the gratuitous nudity by dropping their tops every time a camcorder points in their direction.

Marybeth (Tamara Feldman) packs a gun and a grudge. Reluctant hero Ben (Joel Moore) and his black comic sidekick Marcus (Deon Richmond) crack wise.

Horror icons Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund, Tony "Candyman" Todd and effects wizard John C. Buechler make cameo appearances.

"Hatchet" replicates classically bad 1980s horror films, although with significantly improved production values. So what? Green doesn't bring anything new to the genre.

He squanders a chance to comment on the popularity of a violent, Reagan-era cultural phenomenon and seems perfectly content to drench "Hatchet" with as much nostalgia as gore.

"Hatchet" opens today. Rated R (violence, gore, nudity, language). 93 minutes. ..

• The spoon-fed ending of Eytan Fox's political drama "The Bubble" undermines the quiet, insightful story that comes before.

It would be absurd enough that a successful suicide bomber magically comes back in a voiceover to narrate the ending, but when he beats us over the head with the obvious -- war is stupid, bad, unhealthy and dangerous, even for gays -- this "Bubble" has burst, and not in a good way.

Two Israeli men and an Israeli woman live together in a Tel Aviv apartment, oblivious to the raging conflict going on outside. (They live in an escapist bubble, see?)

One of the men, Noam (Ohad Knoller), falls for an attractive Palestinian man named Ashraf (Yousef Sweid). For a long time, they engage in an affair of the heart (as well as body) that makes them happy.

Then, a ker-thunking, clumsily inserted killing by Israeli soldiers bludgeons them back into reality where events speed to a conclusion that's as much a figurative bomb as a literal one.

"The Bubble" opens today at the Century Centre Cinema, Chicago. No MPAA rating (nudity, sexual situations, violence, language). 117 minutes. .½

• Louise Osmond and Jerry Rothwell's documentary "Deep Water" begins as a slow drip, then builds up narrative momentum until the ending begins hitting us like a tidal wave.

Interweaving archival footage, press clips and present-day interviews, the filmmakers tell the astonishing story of one man's bid for greatness and financial reward -- and the price his bid actually cost.

Donald Crowhurst, a British electronics inventor, convinces himself that he can win a daring nautical challenge, the first Sunday Times Golden Globe solo, nonstop, around-the-world boat race. Crowhurst seems confident that his revolutionary invention -- an on-board computer -- and his custom-designed boat could easily out-sail his competitors.

But his key investor insists that Crowhurst -- a father and husband -- sign an agreement to reimburse him in the event Crowhurst cancels or gives up the race. The document becomes an albatross for the sailor, with terrible consequences.

Crowhurst is the last to set sail, yet his incredible speed instantly catapults him into the ranks of a national hero.

"Deep Water" chronicles Crowhurst's lonely journey with drama and surprise, turning a dreary historical report into an immediate, insightful, relevant tale of a man facing fears far more formidable than bad weather and short supplies.

"Deep Water" opens today at the Piper's Alley Theatres in Chicago. Rated PG, it runs 93 minutes. ...

• The After Hours Film Society presents the Irish musical romance "Once" with film critic Josh Larsen at 7:30 p.m. Monday at the Tivoli Theatre, 5021 Highland Ave., Downers Grove.

Call (630) 534-4528 or go to www.afterhoursfilmsociety.com.

• The Chicago Big Damn Film Festival runs from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. Saturday and Sunday at the Wyndham O'Hare, 6810 N. Mannheim Road, Rosemont. Tickets range from $10 for a block pass to $20 for a day pass and $30 for a weekend pass.

Go to www.bigdamnfilmfest.com for details.

• The Seventh Annual International Microcinema Film Festival continues today through Sunday at the Cutting Hall Performing Arts Center, 150 E. Wood St., Palatine. Admission costs $5 with a full fest pass costing $59.

Go to www.microcinemafest.com or call the Theatre Nebula Office at (847) 359-9378.