Call him what you want, but he's not dull

You may be right, I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for.

Well, apparently Cubs fans aren't subscribing to Billy Joel's lyrics in "You May Be Right."

They aren't looking for the maniacal Carlos Zambrano they saw Monday afternoon.

The Wrigley Field crowd of 40,070 was so upset with the volcanic Mt. Big Z, he was booed from the mound to the dugout upon his departure.

Zambrano took off his cap, nodded sarcastically toward the stands, pulled his shirt out of his pants and pointed a finger at his temple.

"I just pointed to my head (to say) I will remember that," Zambrano said. "They showed me today they just cared about them(selves)."

Never a dull moment with Zambrano, is there?

Maybe that's what Cubs management liked when it signed him to a five-year, $91.5 million contract. Maybe it had watched Zambrano long enough to realize every time he takes the mound … that's entertainment!

You know, even if it is in a punk rock, guitar-smashing, stage-trashing kind of way.

Heck, a Cubs' radio ad even has teammate Derrek Lee raving about Zambrano's passion and emotion -- nicer words than wildness and craziness.

Against the Dodgers, Zambrano kept everybody riveted on him during a cartoonish yield of 8 runs over 4½ innings.

Personally, I always enjoy watching Big Z pitch, even during an 11-3 loss. In a contorted way, it's more fun watching him lose than watching someone else win.

There's texture to his every performance. There's a there there, even if the there leads the Cubs down a dark road toward nowhere.

But that's just me. I'm not the Cubs. My money, my pennant race and my aspirations aren't at stake.

One of life's great principles should apply here: Don't marry on the wild side. Walk on it, even ride on it, but don't take it down the aisle.

Zambrano is becoming Thelma -- Thelmaniac? -- to the game's inner Louise. It isn't a great idea to get down on your knees and propose to Thelma, is it?

Especially if a $91.5 million dowry is involved.

Anyway, both Zambrano and his pitches were out of control again against the Dodgers.

At bat Big Z took Babe Ruth swings, fouled line drives into the box seats and finally singled to center. Then he zoomed around the bases like a runaway Budweiser truck, ran through a stop sign at third base and was thrown out at the plate.

This is one excitable boy starring in his very own comic strip.

On the mound Zambrano threw a million pitches, missed the strike zone too often, expressed displeasure with the home-plate umpire, was eminently hittable, failed to back up the catcher when he should have and generally was all over the place except where he was supposed to be.

Clearly, Big Z's outings don't induce zzzzzzzzzzzzs, but they did induce boos on this day.

All of Zambrano's silliness would be OK if he pitched well, but he hasn't for a month.

Instead of being the Cubs' ace in the hole, Zambrano is the ace putting them in a hole.

Wrigley fans have reason to be upset with Big Z, but he said, "That's not fair."

As if to add, also in the words of Billy Joel …

Turn out the light, don't try to save me.

mimrem@dailyherald.com