Another year, another list of those trying to impede women

So we gather once more to pay homage to our foremothers by celebrating Aug. 26, the anniversary of the passage of suffrage. What a year it's been since we last met. We've seen the first woman speaker of the House, the first woman president of Harvard University, and who can forget Bill Clinton, striving to become the first First Laddie?

Nevertheless, we continue our time-honored tradition, celebrating this day by announcing the cherished Equal Rites Awards to those who have labored over the last 12 months to set back the cause of women. Our one-woman committee worked hard to sift through all the candidates. Thus, without further ado, the envelopes please:

We begin by looking to Japan where the Abe government wins the Knights in (Tarnished) Armor Prize. There, the prime minister refused to apologize for the Japanese army's use of "comfort women" as sexual slaves in World War II. That was after his health minister called women "baby-making machines." And finally, the bodyguard for his gender equality minister was arrested for molesting a college student on a train. We send the land of the rising sun a sunset clause.

Unfortunately, we must return home for the Patriarch of the Year Prize. It goes to Justice Anthony Kennedy, whose opinion restricting abortions rested on the retro notion that women needed to be protected from "regret," "grief" and "sorrow," even if it meant protecting them from their rights. We send the paternalistic justice a hook to bring him back to the 21st century.

So many judges, so few blindfolds. The Blind Justice Award is winging its way to Carson City (Nev.) District Judge Bill Maddox. While sentencing a man on kiddie porn charges, he opined: "It's my understanding that most men are sexually attracted to young women. ... I mean women from the time they're 1 all the way up until they're 100." That blindfold should be placed carefully over his mouth.

Sex, crime and politics? Our Fashion Victim-izer Award goes to The Washington Post's Robin Givhan for looking deeply into Hillary Clinton's V-neck shirt and finding cleavage -- EEEK! -- which she labeled a "teasing display" and a "provocation." For fashionbabbling without a license, we send her a chic uniform: Paris Hilton's orange jail jumpsuit.

The true fashion statement of the year may be astronaut Lisa Nowak's diapers. Nowak wins the Backwards Trailblazer Prize for that cross-country drive in pursuit of her rival. Will Nowak go down in history as astronaut or love slave? That Depends.

Now for the Desperate (To Get) Housewives Prize. This goes to the British researchers who report that housework reduces the risk of breast cancer. For urging women to scrub their way to better health, we offer them the dustbin of history.

Doctors, doctors, everywhere. Our Male-Practice Award goes to the former surgeon general, Richard Carmona, who belatedly confessed to toeing the White House line on abstinence-only education while knowing it was bunk. We give him a Post-it for his new life: Just Say No.

Let us not forget the Media Ms.-Adventure Prize. Fox television wins for "Anchorwoman," the reality show featuring a bikini model reporting on a Texas TV station. Remember when Dan Rather said CBS was "tarting" up the news? We send the folks at Fox a nice, homemade tart.

Finally, we rest our hopes in the next generation. Sort of. The Our Bodies/ Our Daughters Award goes to Mattel. The folks who brought you Barbie are collaborating on a new line of make-up: for 6- to 9-year-olds. For this we award them and all their ilk a special cosmetic for the next year: egg on their face.

© 2007, Washington Post Writers Group