Father who lost his kids: 'I will keep going'

Anand Tiwari was running late that morning.

As usual, his 18-month-old daughter stood waiting near the door, her saucer-shaped eyes staring up at him.

He'd often take her for a short ride around the block to dry her tears. Instead, he promised a trip later to the park. His 4-year-old son was in another room watching TV.

Those brief moments early Aug. 11 would be the last time Tiwari saw his family alive. Hours later, his wife and two children died in a fire in their Naperville home police said she intentionally ignited.

Two weeks later, in his first in-depth interview, Tiwari said his children sustain him despite unimaginable loss -- and in spite of accusations from his father-in-law that Tiwari was an imperfect husband who could have done more to help an ill wife.

"This is the worst thing that could happen to anyone," he told the Daily Herald. "I've lost everything that I have. I lost a family.

"I'm taking it one day at a time. I want to make sure they are remembered through fulfilling their last wishes."

A senseless tragedy

Anand Tiwari, 36, was in Chicago attending class for a master's degree program when fire swept through his master bedroom.

Amid the rubble, firefighters found his family -- his wife, Nimisha, 32, and their two children, Vardaan and Ananya, lying in bed.

Police concluded the mother ignited the blaze with the gasoline she bought two hours earlier -- a purchase captured on a nearby gas station's surveillance system.

The couple wed in India in April 1999 and moved to the U.S. later that year. Neighbors describe a happy couple, but police and court records reveal a troubled marriage.

In May, Anand Tiwari complained to police about his wife's erratic behavior. On May 18, she obtained a protective order against her husband, whom she accused of being controlling and feared would kidnap their children.

In response, Anand Tiwari complained his wife's multiple sclerosis was affecting her mental health, causing her to act impulsively and with false beliefs, such as that he was trying to kill her. After a four-hour hearing, a judge ruled in his favor. The couple reconciled afterward.

Looking back, Tiwari said he never could have predicted what would happen.

"I had no clue," he said. "Obviously, if I thought she was capable of this, I would have done anything to save my children."

Police did not find a suicide note. Anand Tiwari said he agrees with their investigation that his wife intentionally set the fire.

He hesitates when asked to describe his feelings about her. Angry? Not quite, since he believes she was ill. Still, he said his wife knew what she was doing that morning.

"She knew I would do everything in my power to have the kids (if we divorced)," he said. "I would never let my kids go. They were my life."

Family strife

Tiwari buried his children last week in a traditional Hindu ceremony.

His wife's father, Chandrahas Awasthi, flew in from India. But he left behind a letter, which a family member e-mailed to the Daily Herald, describing his daughter as a devoted mother who would never harm her kids.

He also suggested Tiwari could have done more to help his wife.

"Even if we believe, for a moment, that she had a deteriorating condition due to multiple sclerosis, what was done to help her?" he wrote. "Does confinement and isolation help such a situation? Why was professional marriage counseling or psychological help not sought?

"The last year and a half, she endured a very troubled life where her access to the outside world seemed controlled and limited. She shared her feeling of helplessness under constant fear of divorce and losing her kids in a custody battle.

"Everyone I met over the last few days in the USA remembers Nimisha as a good friend, a very sweet lady, a wonderful mother and a devoted wife. This is indeed how she was and this is how I request everybody to remember my beloved daughter, Nimisha."

Anand Tiwari said many of his father-in-law's remarks are false. He said his wife refused his pleas to seek therapy.

"I am not a perfect man," he said. "Everyone has their share of mistakes, but I did everything I could to be a good husband and father."

"At this point, none of this is important. Nothing can change what has happened. We have lost three lives -- including two innocent children. We have to move on."

A living legacy

Now staying with friends, Tiwari has a project to help him move on.

He plans to donate the stem cells taken from his children at birth. The father said he kept them in case his children ever needed them to treat disease. He's reaching out to parents and doctors who might know someone needing help.

His e-mail address is daddypleasehelp@gmail.com. The name comes from something Vardaan used to say when climbing the monkey bars.

Before Vardaan died, he couldn't wait to see the Disney movie "Ratatouille." The father said he donated 50 movie tickets to the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services so neglected and abused children could go see the movie.

His son would like that, he said. It's those sort of things that sustain him. Since news of the fatal fire broke, Tiwari also said he's received an outpouring of support from across the world.

"It's unbelievable," he said. "I think it'll keep me going -- and I will keep going.

"My kids are watching me. I don't want them to see their father sad. They give me the energy to go on."