E-mazing revelations from readers

E-xcerpts from a smattering of your e-mails of recent months:

Rebecca J. McDade: One of the things I find so amazing about sports writers is their holier-than-thou attitudes and their very often uninformed assumptionsæ…

Dear Rebecca: Stop already. You had me at "so amazing about sports writers."

Ron Voight: Tiger looks like an NFL linebacker out there. Does it make anyone wonder?

Dear Ron: All I wonder is whether he's using anabolic Nikes.

Kristine Kolton: Even if they don't go to Arlington (Park), I want the Cubs in the suburbs. Only by moving them away from the unfriendly confines will there be incentive to win.

Dear Kristine: Maybe suburban Kabul is the answer.

James Haley: You must be a White Sox fan.

Dear James: Must be.

Todd M. Benedetto: It is apparent you are a Cubs fan.

Dear Todd: Must be.

Dan Palmer: I read your column on death, and it reminded me of a funny thought a friend mentioned once. He said he didn't plan to die either. He had it figured out logically. If about one half of all the people who have ever walked the earth are alive right now, statistically, he said, he has only a 50-50 chance of dying.

Dear Dan: Clearly his cup is half full and his grave half empty.

Irv Svoboda: I went to Walgreen's the other day and saw some U of I shirts of all kinds for sale. No "Fighting Illini" and no Chief Illiniwek on any of them. I really felt down.

Dear Irv: I thought I was the only one who bought his clothes off the rack at a drug store.

Shayne Looper: (Peter Kreeft's) short book, "Love is Stronger than Death," is filled with tight prose and insightful analogies. I think you'll like it.

Dear Shayne: Are there a lot of pictures?

Ray Michalski: Even rats perform a service that is often for the good.

Dear Ray: Human rats don't.

Ronald Drahos: Disgusting! I know what Bonds is, but your invitation to "trash" him is irresponsible and repulsive.

Dear Ronald: Boooooooo!

Ross Winter: I have been a devoted (Cubs) fan and will be until I die, World Series or not. You don't dump your wife because she doesn't win the pie-cooking contest.

Dear Ross: I know a guy who dumped his wife because she didn't win a belching contest.

Frank Martinek: I rarely insult complete strangers in e-mails, but in this case I'm willing to make an exception.

Dear Frank: I'm flattered.

Kevin Stuecklen: How can you possibly say Amanda Beard's face is unattractive?

Dear Kevin: Sadly, I don't like long walks on the beach, either.

Butch Cox: You, sir, obviously don't know much about baseball.

Dear Butch: Baseball isn't even top 10 on the list of things I don't know much about.

Donald Bertelle: You are a dope.

Dear Donald: Yeah, but I'm your dope.

George Peternel: Frankly, you've been in a bit of a slump lately, and it was nice seeing you snap out of it.

Dear George: Better that Train Wrecks Grossman would snap out of his snapu snafu.

Jim Boyd: Paper or plastic?

Dear Jim: Burlap.

Steve Bond: As I grow older (age 56), I am more concerned by the lack of personal responsibility exhibited by our society.

Dear Steve: Don't blame me.