What's with that extra $1.5 million?

At 7:10 p.m. Sunday, Carlos Zambrano threw his first pitch as a $91.5 million man.

That's the amount of money the Cubs guaranteed Big "Bucks" Z in the contract he agreed to last week.

Which, of course, raised countless questions as well as eyebrows.

Like, is Zambrano worth it? Is any pitcher? Is any head of state? Is Donald Trump's hair stylist? Is Nicole Kidman's cosmetic surgeon?

All the answers to all the questions are an emphatic no because nobody is worth $91.5 million.

If Zambrano were, he would have done a reverse rain dance and scared the skies shut before a downpour delayed and ultimately postponed the Cubs-Cardinals game.

Instead, Zambrano pitched 3 perfect, perspiration-free innings, then presumably went home to light $50 cigars with $100 bills.

Sure, that's an unfounded cheap shot, but to be worth $91.5 million, Zambrano will have to perform comic-book, action-hero feats.

Not on this short day's night he wouldn't, however. Big Z threw 44 pitches during a 43-minute outing, including 23 in the first inning.

"I was feeling good," Zambrano said, "all my pitches today."

If the Z man felt like a million bucks, he would be underpriced and relatively unhealthy in relation to his bank account.

Regardless, please don't ask me to calculate how much Zambrano would earn per pitch or minute in such an outing when his mega-deal commences in 2008.

None of that is the most baffling aspect to Zambrano's contract anyway.

No, bean counters, the most baffling would be, "What's the freaking deal with the $1.5 million on top of the $90 million?"

Every time Zambrano throws a pitch now, I'll wonder what a guy does with $1.5 million in pocket change.

Does Mount Big Z invest in anger-management classes the next time his temper blows? Does he purchase the oboe lessons he always wanted? Does he buy a round of drinks for the house -- the biggest house in the world?

If the Cubs promised Zambrano a mere $90 million, it would come out to $18 million per season over five years.

OK, so another $1.5 million is an average of only $300,000 per season. That's all, just $300,000 on top of the tidy $18 million.

"After a certain amount of money," Cubs manager Lou Piniella chuckled, "what's the difference?"

Piniella's point was that he believes more important to Zambrano was the full no-trade clause the Cubs included.

Geographic security is as important as financial security … especially once financial security reaches $90 million.

"How many Porsches can you buy?" Piniella said.

I don't know. I haven't priced a Porsche for a couple weeks. I can figure out how many Kias $91.5 million would buy, but you probably don't care about that.

For sure, Zambrano can afford a down payment on Porsche. Not a car. The company.

Big Z still would have $1.5 million left to join the Cubs' next ownership group, or to purchase a couple oil fields in his native Venezuela.

If Zambrano is smart -- and there's no reason to believe he isn't -- he'll do what so many men would do with so much guaranteed money: Invest in wine, women and song and waste the rest.

Except for that $1.5 million.

That's what it must be intended for: Backup after you blow $90 million on the good life.