How do we sign up for illegal status?

Do we contact our state senators, or the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien?

If my understanding of the bill recently passed by the Senate is correct, an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, to become a citizen, is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and am anxious to get the process started before everyone else figures it out.

I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that we can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family as we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, I would save several thousand dollars per year.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums.

I wonder who would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms.

Mary Robins

Arlington Heights