Consider kids' ages, natures before scheduling vacations

"This is no place for kids."

I certainly agreed with what I overheard the mother of four saying at the table next to ours.

Not only was that particular restaurant no place for kids, but the whole vacation area we were visiting in Arizona was almost totally adult oriented. And what kid-friendly activities did exist would appeal only to those children who were rough and ready outdoor types.

Walking around the rest of the day, I was surprised at just how many families with children, including small ones, were attempting to vacation where we were staying.

I use the word attempting intentionally, because it didn't look to me like either parents or children were having much of a vacation. What I did see was more than a few parents who looked like they were out of patience, and an even greater number of tired, crabby and bored kids.

Since it was spring break for a lot of school districts, I could understand how these families would want to get away. And especially if you are from around here, heading off to someplace with sunshine and temperatures in the 70s sounds great. I doubt, though, if many of the families I observed were having the vacation of their dreams.

The mistake these parents made was not thinking through who their children were and what sort of vacation best fit their ages and personalities.

For example, preschool children seldom find sight seeing to be interesting. Nor is browsing through art shops or even souvenir stands likely to hold their attention. For all that matter, they are probably not all that interested in going away, period.

Unless we find a place that is jam-packed with activities oriented to interests of such children, and unless we can also schedule in a good many naps, most preschoolers are better off left at home.

Interestingly, you could almost say the exact same thing about teenagers. They may be more open to seeing the sights, but they also have some of the same limits as younger kids.

Not only is age a factor, but personality has to be considered as well. If our daughter is a book worm, scheduling a vacation that involves day after day of hiking and camping may not be to her liking. If our son can't sit still for more than five minutes, touring a large city and its museums, shops and historical sites is going to be pure torture for everybody.

It's not that we don't want to expose our children to new and different things, it is just that we shouldn't plan a whole vacation around stuff that just doesn't fit who they are.

A short hike may be all our daughter needs to appreciate the outdoors a bit more. Touring one museum may be quite enough for our son to practice the art of standing still.

The idea, then, is to take the time to figure out what it is that our children will actually enjoy doing and plan a vacation experience for them centered around such activities. We do want to add in some things that are new, that challenge them to expand their worlds a bit, to invite them to grow and develop as persons.

We do not, however, want to confront them with a whole week or so of experiences that don't fit their age or their personality.

Now, that may not sound like much of a vacation for us parents. What about the things that we want to see and do? Well, that's why we need to take adult vacations without our children. Those are the times we can do all the things that interest us.

Though our children may complain a bit about being "abandoned," believe me, they will be glad we did our boring adult stuff without them. So both vacations -- ours and theirs -- really will be vacations.

With summer upon us, then, let's ask ourselves, "Are we taking the right vacation?"

̢ۢ Rev. Ken Potts is a pastoral counselor and marriage and family therapist with Samaritan Interfaith Counseling Centers, Naperville and Downers Grove. His book, "Take One A Day," can be ordered at local bookstores or online.