Out of Darkness walk aims to prevent suicide, support survivors
In some ways, a suicide is like any other death.
It's permanent, final, irrevocable, and the family of the deceased is left to grieve and move forward.
But in other ways, it is in a class all its own.
It's shrouded in stigma, misunderstanding and silence, and the families of those who die often feel shame and guilt in addition to their sadness.
Reducing suicide is the root goal of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, which sponsors the Out of the Darkness Chicagoland Community Walk on Saturday, Sept. 26, at Arvey Field in Grant Park.
But decreasing stigma also is an important part of the organization's work as it strives to advance research, education and public policy about suicide, as well as to support survivors.
The Chicago walk is just one of many across the country, and it aims to raise $765,000 to assist in its work.
Suburban walkers, including Anne Gulotta of Barrington and Dimple Patel of West Chicago, know the pain that stings and never truly subsides.
Today, they tell the stories of their husband and mother - the people they were, the things they loved, the pressures they faced and the memories they leave behind.
Anne Gulotta, Barrington
Time stopped the day my husband died. Every fiber of my being was frozen in a cell of grief. It wasn't only the loss, but how he died, and I felt like Jackie Kennedy at my own husband's funeral wearing black, grieving, knowing I was now a single parent.
I don't have the fame or fortune of Jackie Kennedy, but I have the scars. I didn't have the support of the nation, but I had the support of a village and loving family to get me through the dark days that followed, as I remained encapsulated in my grief.
Anyone who's lost a loved one knows the feeling. But when a loved one dies by suicide, not only is the loss paralyzing, but so many questions go unanswered.
My husband went about his day on May 7, 2002. That evening kissed the kids, and said he was going to fix something in the attic. Then he was gone. In a blink of an eye without warning he was gone, and there was nothing anyone could do.
My husband was still alive when the paramedics arrived at the house. We followed the ambulance to the hospital and were escorted to the chapel. I knew the situation was dire if they brought us to the chapel, but he hung on for 24 hours. Maybe he regretted what he had done and was fighting for his life.
What was hidden so deeply and was so painful that he would want to leave this life, I'll never know.
He loved his kids and he loved me. But underneath the smiles and funny jokes was a pain I would never understand. He suffered from depression. He was going to therapy. We thought he was doing pretty well. He looked good, swam every day, but on this day in May something went wrong.
Our lives were rocked. The pain and unanswered questions of why could only be healed by the hands of time. My husband was an organ donor and saved the lives of many people. That gave us comfort in knowing life goes on.
In 2005 I learned about the Overnight Out of the Darkness Walk in Chicago, an event that would bring new meaning to my life. I've been a volunteer for the Out of the Darkness Walks sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention ever since. The Chicago walk is the largest in the country for suicide prevention.
The pain never goes away, nor does the love, but it's what we do with loss that matters most. I feel that I have a purpose now. I'm helping to change lives. The board of directors and all the volunteers are what make the Out of the Darkness Chicagoland Walk the largest in the country, and I'm proud to be a part of this. We are creating awareness and changing the way society treats mental illness. Suicide does not discriminate. More than 41,000 people die by suicide in this country annually, according to the 2013 statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
On Saturday, Sept. 26, the Out of the Darkness Walk will be at Arvey Field in Grant Park in Chicago. We can all "Be the Voice" and change the way people think and treat mental illness. Why should our minds be treated any differently than our bodies? AFSP strives to reduce suicide in the United States by 20 percent in 2020. Come join us and be heard.
• Anne Gulotta is a board member of the AFSP-IL Chapter, and co-chair of the High School Outreach Committee, board member of HERE is Barrington teen suicide prevention coalition, and chairwoman of the board of directors of Gift of Hope tissue and organ donor network. She resides in Barrington and works for Northern Trust Securities, Inc. in Chicago. For information about the walk, go to Chicago walk.org.
Dimple Patel, West Chicago
Four years ago, I lost my mother to suicide. I did not share my story with anyone because I was afraid of how others in my culture would perceive this situation. My mother and I were born in India, but raised in two different cultures.
In a Westernized culture, individuals are often encouraged to rationalize problems and seek help. However, this is not the case for individuals such as my mother, who were raised in a traditional, conservative culture. These individuals may not readily seek professional services due to the cultural pressures, barriers, and labels against treatment. Fear of public shame, along with the lack of knowledge on the resources and treatments available, discourage access to proper mental health support.
It was not until my mother's unexpected death that I realized the power of these cultural differences and how they impact lives. Various ethnic cultures, including the South Asian culture, often stigmatize individuals who experience psychological disorders and underestimate critical symptoms.
I decided to step forward and share my story with others because I truly believe this story does not start and end with me; it is a concern that is applicable to many South Asian individuals and minority communities. This has enhanced my commitment to working with this underrepresented population as I have personally experienced these stressors. I want to bring light to the situation that many individuals are afraid to talk about.
Many individuals of South Asian culture pride themselves in visible notions of strength, therefore suppressing sharing or help-seeking in dealing with personal stressors. The more they keep these negative experiences hidden, the more harm they cause to themselves. I was one of these individuals for several years until I decided to change this and speak out against the stigma.
I am a current graduate student pursuing my doctorate in clinical psychology at the Illinois School of Professional Psychology in Schaumburg. For the past two years, I have volunteered with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, which holds an annual Out of the Darkness walk.
My first step in speaking up about my mother's death began here. I decided to reach out to my family and friends by actively educating them on this event as well as advocating and posting articles on my social media accounts. Furthermore, I started my own team, Team Patel. The walk is just the first step in my journey to connect with other individuals who have experienced similar life events.
I am using all my resources to help spread awareness about mental health issues to those who do not have access to it. I have been surprised that doing these walks and spreading awareness has helped others open up. With that, I encourage you to get involved and provide others the comfort they may need.
I hope you will join us at the walk and continue to help educate about suicide prevention! Follow me @DimpleP23 on Twitter for more updates.
• Dimple Patel is a volunteer for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
If you go
What: Out of the Darkness Chicagoland Community Walk
Why: Benefits the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
When: 10 a.m. Saturday, Sept. 26
Where: Arvey Field in Grant Park, 1501 S. Lake Shore Drive, Chicago
Cost: Any donation accepted; those who raise $150 get a T-shirt
Info: (312) 890-2377, Chicago@AFSP.org or afsp.org/illinois