A conservative activist and a liberal journalist walk into a pancake house ...

Our political differences in today's America create a chasm large enough to fill with bile, hate, ridicule and ordinary mean-spiritedness. To bridge the gap between a rabid, conservative activist and an ultraliberal, media member, Arlene Sawicki, the former, brings a bag of Neapolitan saltwater taffy to this interview with me, the latter. At the very least, the taffy reminds us both to be sweet. And it hearkens back to an era where the 81-year-old Sawicki was more at home.

“I remember when people used to get dressed up to go to church,” Sawicki says with a sigh during our reunion at the homey Apple Villa pancake restaurant in Hoffman Estates.

The days of families grabbing their Sunday bests out of the closet before church on Sunday morning are as gone as those days when homosexuals simply stayed in the closet.

Which brings us to the reason behind our confab. When the U.S. Supreme Court finally extended marriage rights to gays, Sawicki's heart dropped just as mine was soaring, no doubt passing each other somewhere over the rainbow.

Starting our correspondence 25 years ago, shortly after my first pro gay-marriage column, Sawicki and I both remain frustrated that a quarter-century of compelling arguments couldn't lead the other to an “Oh, my God, you are right” epiphany.

Sawicki plays a key role in groups such as the Coalition on Abortion/Breast Cancer, Speak Out Illinois, Women's Center, Catholic Citizens of Illinois, and Illinois Choose Life License Plate. She also works on several committees that install Nativity scenes around the state, serves as the Respect Life Coordinator at St. John Evangelist in Streamwood, and has written countless letters to the editor opposing gay marriage.

We don't get together so that I can rub it in, or so Sawicki can blame me for verbally constructing the handbasket used to deliver her America to hell. It's just that we've built up a certain empathy for each other's passion.

“She's extremely passionate,” says Jim Finnegan, a North Barrington activist who has worked with Sawicki on many conservative political issues, including the quest to stop gay marriage. “She's a determined lady. I can see her getting in a spat with you, and you may have deserved it.”

Elections gave us winners and losers, and the chance to reverse our fortunes in four years. With gay marriage, Sawicki and I shared a safe harbor arguing mostly about the future. Neither Sawicki nor I were certain we'd live long even to see anything more definite about gay marriage than the endless bluster of debates.

“It amazes me that this happened so quickly after 5,000 years of accepting traditional marriage between a man and a woman,” Sawicki says.

She goes on to note that her kind of marriage “appeared in the first book Genesis, written by the creator.” I note that I've cheered lots of social changes since that book came out.

Change can be a beautiful thing, and Sawicki has her own stories to back that up. She used to be a Democrat. She doesn't miss those days, but she does have fond memories of the America she knew in the 1950s.

“It was an innocent age,” Sawicki says. “I think I said my first swear word when I was in my 20s. Today the toddlers are doing the F-word.”

It's easy to counter every “joy” of 1950 America she remembers with a story about an evil such as racism or sexism, but those can't taint her personal memories.

As the oldest of three daughters of Joseph and Josephine Jawor, Sawicki remembers her dad selling storm windows and taking on a few other jobs while her mom worked for Western Electric. Her grandmother did the bulk of the day-to-day child care.

“I had three very strong, Polish-American Catholics to give me the values I treasure today,” Sawicki says, mentioning honesty, loyalty and faith.

She was a beauty queen in those days, working as a model at the 1954 Chicago Auto Show. She dressed elegantly, and men treated the models with respect.

“They never swore. They thought that was an insult to the ladies,” Sawicki says.

She and her husband, George, were married 52 years, reared three kids and welcomed seven grandchildren before his death in 2008. While she calls marriage “sacred,” she says, “There's no such thing as a marriage made in heaven. It takes work.”

So did the social causes she embraced — defeating the Equal Rights Amendment, fighting against legalized abortion, opposing feminism, promoting Christmas and public Nativity scenes, fighting gay rights, and working on behalf of every Republican candidate, even Alan Keyes.

“The last Democrat I voted for was Kennedy,” Sawicki says, explaining how she voted for John F. Kennedy in 1960 based more on looks and personality than his political positions. Many of her loved ones never made the conversion.

“My mom voted for Clinton in 1992,” Sawicki says in a whisper more suited for a church confessional than a restaurant booth. “And I get Social Security, so I'm part Socialist.” she says with a smile.

We'll never agree on presidents.

“George W. Bush was the most pro-life president we've ever had,” Sawicki proclaims, shaking her head politely at my counter-argument that launching two foreign wars doesn't seem that pro-life.

In her advocacy and my avocation, we both can be strident. In public, we can just roll our eyes and be polite. “I say what my mother used to say,” Sawicki says. “In 100 years, nobody will know the difference.”

Even today, Sawicki says she has loved ones who voted for President Obama, use Obamacare, support gay rights or happen to be gay. They are welcome at Christmas and other holidays, and no one brings up topics that might lead to debates, Sawicki says.

“I'm not a hateful person,” Sawicki says. The past, she says, has lots of attributes that would be good for the future.

“I'm praying for a revival, a good old-fashioned revival. We've got to go back to pleasing God instead of ourselves,” she says. Sawicki says people call her “an old-fashioned fuddy dud,” but she says she spends time thinking about the future.

“A lot of people are saying this is the end of the world, and I'm not one of them,” Sawicki says. “I'm not sure that God is done with us. I think we still have time to get it right.”

She says her protest groups deserve credit for cleaning up the Gay Pride Parade and making it more of a family event. Even during her strongest attacks, she is quick to note that she never wants to inspire hate.

“I don't want to influence anyone in the wrong way,” she says.

She quotes Jesus, and can pull verses from the Old Testament when the need arises. But she ends our friendly chat by quoting an unexpected source.

“I like what that one guy said. What's his name?” Sawicki says, before paraphrasing the words of Rodney King, a black man whose videotaped beating by police in Los Angeles in 1991 led to riots and sparked plenty of ugliness across America. “Can't we all just get along? I love that.”