Violence survivors share stories on Valentine's Day
When you've survived sexual violence, silence can seem like the best choice - even the only choice - to protect yourself from further trauma. But silence also ends up ripping you to shreds from the inside, survivors say.
Deanna Hynes and Vicki Rae Thorne said it was only when they disclosed their abuse - Hynes to her husband two years after she ran away from home after enduring yearslong incest, and Thorne more publicly to a roomful of strangers nearly 40 years after multiple date rapes - that their healing process truly began, the women told an audience of about 200 Tuesday.
Both spoke at the Long Red Line event held in Elgin on Valentine's Day in conjunction with the global One Billion Rising event that spotlights violence against women. Hynes works as a sexual assault prevention educator at the Community Crisis Center in Elgin, while Thorne is a member of the Elgin organizing committee.
The event was held at Elgin Community College, where speakers included religious leaders, police officers and educators.
"Violence against women, children and men happens every day," the Rev. Denise Tracy said. "We deserve and demand change."
Police know it is difficult for survivors to share their stories, which can feel like being victimized all over again, Sgt. Eric Echevarria said.
"We will do everything in our power to support you through this process, which can be consuming, intimidating and scary," he said.
Student Frankie Devitt, who is studying nursing, said it was especially meaningful to hear women talk about the abuse they endured.
"In class, we talk about how it's really important to just listen to them (victims)," she said. "For them to share their stories is something really impactful."
Josh Boyd, an intern at the Community Crisis Center, said he knows survivors who have chosen to keep their stories private.
"I've seen how keeping quiet has affected them and how staying silent has been eating them up over the years," he said.
Healing isn't a linear process, said Thorne, who had confided in counselors and close friends over the years before speaking publicly four years ago.
"Survival takes courage, commitment and time," she said. "It is painful and there are days when it feels like the healing process will never end."
In past years, the Long Red Line event took place at Gail Borden Public Library and the Centre of Elgin. When organizers approached ECC about holding it there, college officials said 'yes,' said Amybeth Maurer, director of first year programs and student life.
It's important for young people to get such messages "early and often," and Valentine's Day is the perfect choice, Maurer said.
"It's not to put a damper or take beauty out of this day," she said, "but to kind of elevate women in general."