Imrem: Yes, you might be next on Chicago White Sox roster
Words about the Chicago White Sox will run out at some point.
The jokes will. The eulogies will. The vowels will. The consonants will. The entire alphabet will.
Close, but not quite yet.
At another point there will be absolutely no reason to go out to U.S. Cellular Field.
It sure seems that sooner than later the Sox will be virtually - to say nothing of mathematically - eliminated from the AL Central race.
Close again, but not quite yet.
So I trudged out to the ballpark Sunday to watch the Royals tickle the Sox into submission 3-1.
Why bother?
Well, mostly to see whether the Sox traded for me, signed me or in some other way added me to the 25-man roster.
A crowd of 30,303 joined me at the Cell, perhaps anticipating that Sox manager Robin Ventura would call them down from the stands to fulfill their lifelong dream of playing in the major leagues.
Everybody else in the world has had a chance except for maybe Bernie Sanders, who refuses to drop out of the presidential race for fear that if he's available the Sox will nominate him to bat cleanup.
Can Sanders do any worse than Sox batters, who look like they're swinging Louisville newspapers instead of Louisville Sluggers?
Seriously, the Sox have been adding players and subtracting players like daily fantasy were legal in Illinois.
Not that the feverish desperation has helped.
After opening the season with a 23-10 record, the Sox have gone 8-22 to fall from first place to fourth.
The Sox squandered two of three weekend games to the Royals, who barely resemble the team that won last year's World Series.
"We were pretty much offensively challenged by the other guy," Ventura said.
The other guy was an unrelated other Ventura, Yordano, who entered the game with a 4-4 record and 5.32 ERA.
This Ventura is a notorious headhunter currently appealing a nine-game suspension for igniting a brawl with the Orioles last week.
On this afternoon, Ventura didn't bother throwing at anyone's cranial area. He simply, effortlessly pitched 7 innings on a yield of 5 hits and 1 run, the same number of hits and run the Sox recorded a day earlier.
"We've been challenged a little bit now," Robin Ventura said of the Sox's offense. "We have to pick it up."
Later the Sox manager said that "we have to figure out something."
The Sox had a few minutes of spare time last week and figured out that signing former slugger Justin Morneau was a good idea.
Hmmm … the Sox immediately placed Morneau on the disabled list, smacking of the Bears selecting pre-injured players in the NFL draft.
Speaking of drafts, the Sox took a big, strong, power-hitting catcher in the MLB's last week with the expectation that he'll arrive at the Cell before Chris Sale, Jose Abreu and all hope depart via free agency in a few years.
All kidding aside - if that's possible - the Sox are frustrating as a team, as a franchise, as a management, as an ownership, as just about everything imaginable.
Yet outfielder J.B. Shuck said, "We're going to figure it out and put together a good streak."
Or not.
Regardless, maybe it'll be worth returning to the Cell sometime soon to see whether Miley Cyrus is playing left field for the White Sox.
mimrem@dailyherald.com