Grammar Moses: Can you have a handful of elephants?

You can have a handful of potato chips and a handful of ball bearings, but can you really have a handful of elephants?

Unless you're Lemuel Gulliver (see "Gulliver's Travels"), you couldn't fit a single elephant in your hand, let alone two or more.

Yet it's a word that even seasoned journalists use routinely as a synonym for "few" or "several."

Synonyms should make sense, and this one, in describing something that clearly couldn't fit in your hand, doesn't.

OK, so can children be a handful? By golly, yes. But in this case, it means that they occupy your attention, not that you can fit two in a hand.

Granted, if you had twin preemies, you probably could. But that's a special circumstance.

Your welcome

The only time you should ever write "your welcome" is when you describe how I greeted you to my home with a glass of wine and a comfy shawl. As in "your welcome was so gracious."

Keep dreaming, ladies.

Deb Miske wrote to me that if she were given a quarter for every time she saw your used instead of you're in "you're welcome," she'd be a rich woman.

"I'm told that this is what happens because of the younger generation and texting," she wrote to me.

ROFL, Deb. I am a prolific texter, so I've come to accept goofy abbreviations in texts.

But when one has access to a full keyboard, there is no excuse for failing to use the proper contraction.

Presidents Day

Presidents Day is months away, but when the time comes to write about it you'll want to be prepared.

It is very much top of mind for Jeanie Nicholson of Villa Park, who got in touch with me recently.

"It upsets me to see the apostrophe in Presidents' Day spelled President's Day in ads. Maybe it is referring to the president of the company? I don't think so."

The more I look into Presidents Day, the more I understand why I've seen it with no apostrophe, with an apostrophe before the S and with an apostrophe after the S.

There is a great deal of confusion about the holiday.

Jean and I both believed that the holiday on the third Monday in February celebrated both Washington's and Lincoln's birthdays.

In 1968, there was a proposal in Congress to combine them under one Presidents Day, but that initial draft was not passed.

The federal holiday remains Washington's birthday.

However, a number of states celebrate Presidents Day. Michigan uses no apostrophe; Nevada treats it as a plural possessive with the apostrophe after the S, and Nebraska treats it as a singular possessive.

The state of Washington calls it Washington and Lincoln Day, and Wisconsin doesn't celebrate it at all.

In Illinois, it's officially called Washington's Birthday (President's Day.)

But given that we live in the Land of Lincoln, we celebrate Lincoln's birthday separately on Feb. 12 (his real birthday.)

If you see Presidents Day in the newspaper, it's because The Associated Press calls for no apostrophe.

Jeanie, I'm sure that's more than you wanted to know.

The final word

Last week I wrote about being mindful of when to use evaluative words, using the example of "earning money" making a value judgment while "making money" does not. And how calling someone a "lady" rather than a "woman" does the same thing.

Pam Miller of Wheeling added her two cents after reading my column.

"Your comment on 'lady' also applies to 'gentleman,'" she wrote. "I find it extremely irritating to hear news people and others refer to criminals as 'gentlemen' instead of just 'men,' and it happens all the time."

I dare say "gentleman" is misapplied far more than "lady."

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is assistant vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.