Constable: Cat vs. Christmas and other holiday tales
All those warm memories from the holidays are well-preserved, thanks to the deep freeze Mother Nature is providing as suburbanites head back to school and work this week.
With our sons Ross and Ben home from college and out-of-state relatives staying with us for Christmas, my wife and I quickly got used to a busy, bustling home. But I'm not sure we'll ever adjust to the new rules for college kids. We know that our 19-year-old sons have the freedom to do lots of stuff without our permission. They can leave the country, get jobs, join the military, buy stuff, take out loans or get married without our input. And we know that when they're at college, they can stay out as late as they want without us ever knowing. But we might never lose our habit of worrying about them at home, when we go to bed and try to sleep, and they are still out with friends.
We were thankful to get one of those hours back when Ben's bus returning him to Lawrence University was late on Sunday, presenting us with an unexpected few more minutes with him. Wind chills of 20- to 35-degrees-below zero accompanied Ben as he marched across the snowy tundra to his first 8:30 a.m. Monday class in Appleton, Wisconsin. Ross is home with us until Thursday. His transition from the holidays to classes at the California Institute of the Arts might be difficult, but Ross can take comfort in knowing that the forecast in Valencia, California, predicts that he'll be able to enjoy sunny skies, even if the 76-degree temperature is a bit nippy for a dip in his dorm's outdoor swimming pool.
For the first time in her three Christmases in our home, our cat, Maggie, pulled off some lights and a few ornaments. The clatter of one broken ornament with no sentimental value evidentially made an impression. For the rest of the holiday, Maggie messed only with the soft ornaments hanging from low branches. She amassed a nice collection of miniature Santas, reindeer and snowmen. However, Maggie dispatched the realistic battery-operated mouse from Santa to some godforsaken spot where it no doubt will frighten us during our post-holiday house cleaning.
Worried that Maggie might break one of her Grandma Alice's antique Christmas ornaments, my wife decided to reposition one of the glass beauties that seemed to be hanging precariously. And that's when she broke it. The good thing is that mourning the loss of an ornament does give us the chance to celebrate the memory of Grandma Alice.
As part of my livelihood, I've met many people who depend upon those parking spaces reserved for people with disabilities, especially when our weather is so brutal. Having just read a tragic story about a shopper carrying a loaded handgun in her purse, I wasn't bold enough to run over and confront an apparently able-bodied woman who was dumping her shopping cart in one of those spots. Judging from the hodgepodge of carts piled there, she isn't the only one who thinks escaping a few seconds of cold is more important than making life a tad easier for people with more pressing problems.
One of the joys of college football in America is the plethora of colorful names it gives us, starting with the Oregon Ducks and the Ohio State Buckeyes in next week's NCAA championship game. I think of legendary comedian Jackie Gleason stammering "Homina, Homina, Homina" whenever I hear the name of Ducks guard Hamani Stevens. Speaking of legendary comedians, the Ohio State roster boasts a Chris Rock, but he isn't as popular on social media as starting Buckeyes cornerback Eli Apple.
Injury has sidelined All-American cornerback Ifo Ekpre-Olomu, but I hope his Oregon teammates Tui Talia and Andre Yruretagoyena make plays during Monday night's big game just so I can hear ESPN broadcasters say their names.
Success has made Ohio State coach Urban Meyer a household name, and maybe some pregnant Buckeyes fan will name her kid Urban if Ohio State wins Monday's title game.
The last time Ohio State's football team played for a national championship, in 2008, the Buckeyes lost 38-14 to LSU. As a former copy editor, I am glad that LSU fell short of the college playoff games this year. I cringe every time I hear the name of LSU coach Les Miles. As any grammarian can tell you, his name should be Fewer Miles.