Constable: Tweets joking about abuse lead to awareness opportunities

The winking emoticon ;) didn't make the tweet about domestic violence any easier to stomach.

“It's a knockout deal,” read the tweet offering 20 percent discounts at Cheesie's Pub and Grub. “We're calling it the Ray Rice ;)”

“I was so sad to see that, because I personally love Cheesie's,” says Karli Johnson, president and chairwoman of the Eva Alliance, a new DuPage County agency that raises awareness, offers prevention programs and works with the victims of domestic abuse, child abuse and sexual assault. “So I called immediately.”

While many misguided tweets result in halfhearted apologies to “anyone who happened to be offended,” Cheesie's issued a sincere apology and quickly put its money where its tweet had been, Johnson says. The popular Chicago eatery will bring its sandwich truck to the Oct. 4 “Take Back the Night” rally in Naperville, provide free sandwiches to volunteers and donate $1 to the fight against domestic violence and abuse for every sandwich sold. Cheesie's is making similar donations to similar events this weekend.

Not as quick to respond as Cheesie's, the National Football League slowly seems to be coming around on the issue as well, after weeks of indecision, embarrassment and harsh public criticism following the video of NFL star Rice knocking out his then-fiancee and dragging her unconscious body from an elevator. Swept under the rug a month ago, domestic abuse now has the attention of the NFL, which suspended Rice indefinitely and hired experts to deal with the glut of domestic violence and abuse cases involving football players.

A joke in poor taste pales compared to all the mismanagement of those cases, but jokes still hurt.

“Unless you work in this field, a lot of people don't realize why you can't make jokes about domestic violence,” Johnson says. DiGiorno's pizza responded to the #WhyIStayed campaign of emotional stories from victims with the tweet, “You had pizza.” The company then tweeted, “A million apologies. Did not read what the hashtag was about before posting.”

Defenders are quick to blast political correctness and offer, “He's not a bad guy. He's just making a joke,” says Alex Kumin, interim manager of outreach and education for the YWCA Chicago, which operates a YWCA in Glendale Heights and runs the state's largest rape counseling center. “But if you are sitting with four women or sitting with six men, it's likely one of them is a victim.”

Statistics suggest that one in four women and one in six men know the heartache of domestic violence firsthand. Just as you don't have to be a particular race, religion or sexual identity to be offended by jokes aimed at those targets, you don't have to be a victim to be offended by domestic abuse jokes.

“That's your mom, your wife, your girlfriend, your daughter, your best friend,” Johnson says. Jokes make light of that pain.

“If the NFL, police and authorities don't think it's a big deal, then survivors are feeling even more so that society doesn't care,” Kumin says. “It can make people feel that what happened to them really wasn't serious.”

A generation ago, drunken driving often showed up in jokes, or was dismissed as something “everybody” did. Groups such as Mothers Against Drunk Driving helped make people aware of the damage drunken driving caused and curbed many of those jokes.

As a girl growing up in the small town of Sherrard, near Moline, “I was taught, 'Don't go walking alone at night,'” remembers Johnson, 25, who says today's prevention programs now make it clear that 80 percent of sexual abuse involves “people you know.” Instead of just focusing on what potential victims can do, prevention programs also educate potential offenders, too.

Teens in schools (and even adults in human resources seminars) sometimes respond to the awkward discomfort of talking about abuse by joking, Johnson says.

“We get rid of the myth that it only happens to young, attractive women, or even that it only happens to women,” Kumin says.

“When we tell them, 'We deal with men all the time,' then they get that blank stare,” Johnson says.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and the Take Back the Night event begins at 3 p.m. Oct. 4 with informational booths and displays in Central Park in Naperville, followed by speakers, a march through downtown Naperville and a candlelight vigil. For more information on the event, domestic violence, child abuse or sexual abuse, visit evaalliance.org or ywcachicago.org.

“There's still a long way to go in terms of awareness and prevention,” Kumin says. “But it's no longer in the shadows.”

Someday, the topic might no longer be a joking matter, either.