We should tax yogurt in the same manner as tobacco and alcohol on the contention that it is a deadly and addictive product.
How pretentious of me! Despite the fact that it is not my preference, how could something as innocent as yogurt be categorized with tobacco and alcohol? After all, unless my allegations were true, any additional taxes would be unjustified. Unless, of course, the product was simply being used as a tool to bolster state and local revenues.
Further, if yogurt is indeed as harmful as I allege it would most certainly be removed from the shelves. Additional taxation alone would only penalize someone who purchases a perfectly legal product.
I always relied on the premise that governmental penalties were imposed on those conducting something illegal and not the paradox of something "imperfectly legal." Excuse me while I light up an overpriced cigar and pour an expensive cocktail to commemorate a pretentious reliability.