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posted: 9/20/2012 4:04 AM

Why we all should quit our jobs

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Why we all should quit our jobs

In August, just 96,000 jobs were created, and since four times that number of people gave up looking for work, the jobless rate actually went down to 8.1 percent, which got me thinking. Let us all pitch in, and help President Obama get re-elected. Let's all quit our jobs, and take a long, long nap until November. That way, the labor pool will dry up, causing the unemployment rate to plunge to zero. Obama can beam with satisfaction as he observes the entire country revert to a medieval village.

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On the education front, here's a suggestion. Give the teachers unions everything they want -- everything -- so that homeowners' taxes skyrocket from six to, say, sixty thousand dollars, even as the value of their homes diminishes. The public sector's arrow on the chart goes up, while the private sector's arrow goes down. We'll call this the "Detroit Model of Wealth Redistribution." Now, in the middle of our medieval village, a tall ivory tower rises. The educators inhabiting this tower do not actually have jobs either. They don't accomplish much, and besides, they're "entitled" to live in the tower. They would say they have a divine right to tenure, but of course there is no such thing as divinity.

As for climate change -- easy. Schedule Barack Obama to appear in as many entertainment shows and talk programs as Air Force One can handle. He is after all the "Teacher of Great Renown" sung about in Paul Simon's song of 2000 -- the teacher who "sucked all the moisture from the clouds." As the planet warms, Obama becomes progressively "cooler" -- more hip and cosmopolitan than anyone alive. His cooling influence counteracts rising temperatures everywhere, and equilibrium is achieved in the global village.

Coming soon on Nov. 6 -- "Messiah: The Sequel," rated R for religious content.

Alexander Lee

West Chicago

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