Roberto Luongo to Blackhawks not happening

Every once in awhile, there are rumors so absurd that they literally make you laugh out loud.

This happened Sunday night when my Twitter feed was filled with questions about the Blackhawks' supposed interest in goalie Roberto Luongo.

The response via email and Facebook was similar, and much was made of how concerned I would be if the Hawks dealt for the goofy goaltender.

So where to start …

First of all, I don't dislike Luongo as I do so many Vancouver Canucks.

He's just a sad case, a horribly overpaid netminder who performs horribly in the most important of situations.

He chokes when the pressure is at its worst, which is basically any time he's expected to compete, especially in the playoffs.

Once a hero in Canada, he's now a national joke.

So, you must ask yourself, why would the Hawks be interested in a guy who folds in the playoffs?

If the Hawks wanted to replace Corey Crawford — and at this point there's no evidence to suggest they do — why would they replace Crawford with a guy who's awful during the postseason and is six years older with twice the cap hit?

Now, if you said the Hawks were sniffing around soon-to-be-ex-Bruins goalie Tim Thomas, that would actually make some sense, because they'd be kicking the tires on a guy who has won a Stanley Cup and handles pressure as well as anyone ever has.

But Luongo? He crumbles at the mere thought of playoff hockey.

At the same time, Hawks fans would give him a free pass if he came to Chicago — until the first time he let in a bad goal, and then he would be booed as loud as he was when he was wearing a Canucks jersey.

Hawks fans would be cruel, unusual and merciless.

On top of that, Luongo has a no-movement clause and perhaps the last place on the planet he would want to play — this side of Boston — is the United Center, where he has been treated like the weak-minded goalie he is.

No, Chicago isn't a good fit.

Then, there's the ridiculous contract. Luongo is in the midst of a 12-year deal worth $64 million, which pays him $6.7 million annually through 2017-18 (with a cap hit of $5.33 million), before it drops in the final years.

If GM Stan Bowman wasted that much cap space on a goaltender who is certain to fall apart in the postseason, he should be immediately fired.

Whether or not you like Bowman, you can't possibly think him this vapid.

So how did this rumor get started?

It would not be shocking if at some point during draft weekend that Bowman and Vancouver GM Mike Gillis had a conversation about the weather.

In the process, maybe Gillis jokingly said, “You want Luongo?”

And Bowman said, “Maybe if he waives his no-trade, if you pay his entire salary and we don't have to give up a bag of pucks in return. And even then, probably not.”

Then, they went back to talking about the weather.

The Hawks know better than just about any team that Luongo wilts under the hot lights, and the heat in Chicago would be intense.

So rest assured there is absolutely no chance this will happen, and it's more likely I would be handed a key to the city of Vancouver.

Yeah, as rumors go, this is one of the strangest I've ever heard.

But, hey, the laugh was well worth it.

brozner@dailyherald.com

Ÿ Listen to Barry Rozner from 9 a.m. to noon Sundays on the Score's “Hit and Run” show at WSCR 670-AM, and follow him @BarryRozner on Twitter.