Questions on Konerko, Kane and so many others
Questions without answers from inside and outside of sports:
For starters, how could Paul Konerko be in the White Sox’ lineup Tuesday night when just a couple of days ago his face looked like a catcher’s mitt?
Whose day is it to watch Patrick Kane?
How does a suicide bomber turn in his expense form?
We don’t want to burn in hell but we’ll opt for cremation?
Will Theo Epstein have to land on Mars, defeat the Taliban, discover a cure for gout and win Nathan’s hot-dog eating championship to make up for the Cubs being this awful?
You think the Weather Channel causes natural disasters around the world to boost ratings?
Does the 2012 season mean kids won’t be able to scare you with Adam Dunn costumes at Halloween?
Do rabbits ever have a bad hare day?
Why is somebody who tends to property a caretaker and somebody who tends to people a caregiver?
Don’t you wish you could be Dwight Howard and get your bosses fired?
When dogs and cats go on Facebook, does it become social petworking?
You think Keith Moreland sits in the booth looking over his shoulder for Kerry Wood?
How many kegs of Dos Equis do I have to drink to be the most interesting man in the world?
Which also begs the question, the most interesting man in the world or Captain Morgan?
Can anyplace but Chicago have a ballpark renovation depend on the club owner’s father’s political leanings?
Why would it matter that you can record four TV shows at once if it’s hard to find one thing worth watching on any given evening?
Why didn’t somebody tell me San Antonio has an NBA team?
When jobless numbers mount, does the unemployment office increase hiring to handle the workload?
Is our economy still bad enough for me to consider being adopted by a Chinese family?
Does the White Sox signing Orlando Hudson mean that Roberto Alomar really is retired?
Are thirtysomethings wondering what they were thinking last decade when they got those tattoos?
How many calories are there in two bites of half a twice-baked potato?
If social gadfly Paris Hilton married NASCAR honcho Brian France, would she be Paris France?
What does a circus family’s kid join when he runs away from home?
Are astronauts drug tested for asteroids?
Were the Bulls just two feet from beating the 76ers, both of them belonging to C.J. Watson?
Who’s winning the war on tourism?
Oh, it’s terrorism?
Isn’t it time for the Score to find a permanent host slot for Jason Goff?
Do you think Elvis is alive and hiding out as an Elvis impersonator?
If the double play is a pitcher’s best friend, is his dog jealous?
Are artificial plants grown in artificial turf?
Doesn’t the world’s most thankless job belong to the author of baseball’s unwritten rules?
How many more icons have to leave St. Louis for the Cubs to catch the Cardinals?
What’s the height limit to qualify for the IRS short form?
Doesn’t somebody named Blake Parker belong on the PGA Tour instead of the Cubs’ bullpen?
What kind of plastic surgeon do you think Frank Lloyd Wright would have made?
Finally, don’t you count the minutes until you once again can hear Lovie Smith say, “And we’ll go from here”?
mimrem@dailyherald.com