Tips to help battle the back-to-school blues

For Jennifer Mangan, the return of the school year used to be a celebration.

“When my kids were in high school, I'm on my knees thanking God — back to structure and not having to worry about curfew during the week,” said the mom of four, who is also a parenting coach with Legacy Clinical Consultants in Lisle and Plainfield. “There's a lot of really good things about school starting.”

But as her oldest packed her bags to leave for college, the annual school pre-party wasn't quite so joyous.

“I can remember crying,” she said, thinking about her daughter being far away from home on her own.

And so goes the mix of emotions for parents facing new transitions as their children head off to school for the first time, whether it be kindergarten or college.

Experts say there's several ways to ease a family into such transitions, starting with familiarizing both parents and children with their new school environment.

“Familiarize yourself with what's going to make you feel safe and secure and good about the next phase so you have reason to calm yourself and not to be fearful,” said Sheryl Stoller, head of Oak Park-based Stoller Parent Coaching. Many schools these days recognize the difficulty of transitions and have support in place, such as orientation. At Steeple Run Elementary in Naperville, kindergartners have a #8220;sneak peek#8221; where they, along with parents, see where and how their school day will take place. That includes talking with the teacher and a tour of the school, as well as getting their belongings settled in a cubby or at their new desk. Also, on the first day of school, Steeple Run's parent organization hosts a breakfast for parents to attend after they've said their goodbyes to the children. It gives parents a chance to meet or reconnect, and it's a good distraction from any angst over leaving their kids, Principal Karen Currier said. #8220;When you watch that kid walk through the door and you've spent a wonderful summer with them, it can be difficult,#8221; Currier said. #8220;It helps to take those blues away.#8221;At College of DuPage, a series of orientations have taken place in the weeks before the start of the semester to introduce new students and their parents to college life. The orientations attracted hundreds of parents, officials said. #8220;A lot of times, parents think about the 4-year-old who used to play with trucks or 3-year-old who played tea party,#8221; said Dana Thompson, counselor and associate professor at COD. #8220;We see them as an 18-year-old making their first steps into life, and we're preparing them for what their day-to-day life is going to be like.#8221;These are excellent ways to ease everybody into the school year, Stoller said. #8220;The parent also needs to get comfortable with the school and the teacher, whatever they need to do to know that their child is going to a safe place,#8221; she said. Here are some tips:#376; Acknowledge your feelings.It's OK to be sad that a child is leaving home, whether it be for a day of kindergarten or maybe even up to months at a time at college, parent coaches say. #8220;Nobody likes to feel scared or sad or anxious, but actually those are feelings that we all have,#8221; Mangan said. #8220;To be able to feel them is not such a bad thing, even though our society says #8216;oh no, no. Don't feel them.' It helps to talk about them.#8221;If a parent is really having a difficult time, perhaps setting boundaries for their grief could help, Stoller said. #8220;Be gentle with yourself and decide what boundary do you want to put on it,#8221; she said. #8220;I will give myself a day, or I will give myself a week, or I will give myself a month. In terms of space, I'm going to let myself feel very sad in one particular place in my house, and if I'm not in that space, I'm not going to be sad.#8221; She suggested creating a book of happy memories to take forward, or even writing a list of all those less-desirable parenting tasks from that particular childhood phase to remind yourself of what you're not missing. #376; Make plans and get busy. For kids heading off for college, making a communication plan for the next time you'll talk or see each other gives everybody something to look forward to, Mangan said. #8220;Say, #8216;I'm going to see you on this date, and every Sunday at 4 we're going to Skype,' or things like that,#8221; she said. And then parents need to get busy. For moms of new kindergartners, plan play dates. Go have coffee with a friend. Hit the gym. For college moms, take up a new hobby. Plan a trip or a project. Stoller has even had one client who, dreading the college goodbyes, scheduled a kitchen renovation to coincide with that departure so she would have a distraction.#376; Embrace the change. Unloading a roomful of belongings in a dorm far away and then saying goodbye can be gut wrenching for even the most unflappable parent. #8220;That was completely heartbreaking for me because it was my oldest and she was far away and I truly was heartbroken,#8221; Mangan said. As hard as they may be, transitions can be good for the whole family, she said. For Mangan, sending one child off to college meant more time for her younger children.#8220;The dynamics in our house changed and it was really cool to see the siblings shift and develop new relationships with each other,#8221; she said. #8220;Now my son was the oldest in the house and the girls had him to look up to and he became a little bit more protective of them.#8221; Think of this transition more as an opportunity, said Jennifer Schuler, a licensed clinical social worker who is co-owner of Naperville-based ABC Moms. #8220;Although it's a change, it's an opportunity to redefine yourself somewhat,#8221; Schuler said. #8220;It's an opportunity to start a new chapter, restore an old interest or connect with old friends.#8221;Regardless of the separation, experts say, it's important to know that what you're experiencing is #8220;see you later#8221; and not #8220;goodbye.#8221; #8220;It's letting them go and knowing that they're not disappearing for the rest of our lives forever,#8221; Stoller said.