Perfectly natural for parents to embarrass their teens

This is one of my all-time favorite parenting stories:

A friend of mine was chauffeuring her 15-year-old son to high school. It was one of those "put the top down and turn the radio up" sort of days, and, since she had a new convertible, she did both.

Now, as most of us do at one time or the other, she got a bit lost in the music and was sorta dancing in her seat, if you know what I mean. Thoroughly enjoying herself, she smiled over at her son, only to find him so scrunched down that he was, for all practical purposes, sitting on the floor.

The cause of his sudden disappearance from view was clearly evident. Stopped next to them at the light was a car full of teenage girls, who were grinning at my friend and enjoying her enjoying herself. They even danced along with her a bit. Then the light changed and everybody pulled away.

As my friend's son crawled back into his seat, she confessed somewhat sheepishly, "I'll bet I embarrassed you a little." He turned, and, with as much rancor in his voice as he could muster, replied "Your very existence is an embarrassment to me."

I'm not sure how I would have replied to such an insult, but my friend's rejoinder was classic: "Well, without my existence, your existence would seem to be a bit questionable." End of conversation.

If you have raised teens, you know that sooner or later, all we parents become embarrassments. It may be our stupid jokes (my own particular shortcoming), the way we dress, the car we drive, the job we have, or just our general un-coolness.

This loss of stature can come as a bit of a shock, especially for those of us who had been elevated to "super-parent status" by our children when they were younger. We yearn for the days when our kids actually looked forward to being with us, when they gazed up with pride and admiration at their Mom or Dad.

Oh, well. As with all stages of our children's development, this too shall pass. In fact, by the time they reach their mid- to late-20s, most children discover their parents have somehow become more acceptable, even a bit wiser. We may never be cool, but then, again, cool tends to lose its appeal as kids begin to deal with the realities of adulthood.

I'm certainly not suggesting we let our children be hostile or rude to us, or that we let them blow off the limits we set or responsibilities we assign. I am suggesting we don't spend a lot of time and energy (including emotional time and energy) lamenting our lost star status in our teens' universe.

We will regain our rightful place in the constellations of their lives in due course.

A post script to the above tale. About 10 years later this same young man, at a dinner honoring his mother for her years of service to her profession, gave her a huge hug, and said for all around to hear: "I'm so proud of you, Mom."

Wow.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."