Jill Thomas

Brian Hill | Staff Photographer

Profiles of students

Nicole Berns
Jenna Broderick
Samantha Brunell
Dan Ciamprone
Patrick Korellis
Monique Caspillan and Lhee Santos
Desiree Smith
Kevin Sundstrom
Jillian Thomas
Lindsay Ullmann
Chris Werve

Profiles of victims

Gayle Dubowski
Catalina Garcia
Julianna Gehant
Ryanne Mace
Daniel Parmenter

"Keep running!"

Linked by phone to his fleeing daughter, dad urges her to get away

"I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!" Jillian Thomas pleaded into the phone.

With the echoes of gunshots still ringing in her ears and her father on the other end of the line, the freshman from Elgin was desperate for safe haven as she sprinted from the chaos of Cole Hall on that chilly February afternoon.

"Keep running," her dad said, trying to remain calm.

She got as far as Founders Memorial Library, a hulking gray brick building across a parking lot from Cole Hall.

"I ran in and the only thing I had with me was my cell phone and I had squeezed it so hard that it turned off," she said. "I remember fidgeting and running, trying to turn it on. My hands were fidgeting like I was in cold water for a day - just shaking."

Sporting sweatpants, a jacket and a look of sheer terror, Thomas burst through the doors, no doubt a stunning sight for those spread out around tables, serenely catching up on their studies.

"It's dead quiet. I'm freaking out. I'm swearing to my dad on the phone - and I never talk to my dad like that," she said. "I had no idea what I said to him.

"I remember seeing this student just standing there and I said, 'There's a shooting!' and he looked at me like, 'What is this girl talking about?'"

With her back against a bookshelf and the phone still glued to her ear, Thomas could finally breathe.

Overcome, she slumped to the floor into a sitting position as staff rushed to her aid.

Eventually she was escorted to the campus police station. It was there, in the basement, that Thomas came across a handful of fellow students from Cole Hall, all waiting to tell their stories and fill out reports.

One in particular stood out.

"There was a girl with blood on her sweater and she looked up and said softly, 'This blood isn't even mine.'"

Even now, sudden noises or certain words transport Thomas back in time.

"I get triggers all the time," she said. "Even when people say, 'Oh, shoot me in the head.' That's just a saying, I know, but. - Sometimes it's car doors, the Fourth of July."

And when she's jolted back, it's her family and friends who provide comfort in the present. "I was at a camp just before school started and there was a bonfire, and you know how you can throw water bottles in the fire and they can make a popping noise? I flipped out and my sister was there with me," Thomas said. "We've always had that sisterly love but never the type to be like, 'Oh, give me a hug, I miss you.'

"So she gave me a hug and she said, 'You know I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'm here for you. It's OK.'"

Survivors of horrific incidents like the shooting at NIU will say it's only through the help of those closest to them that they're able to cope again, though it's never easy for anyone involved.

Thomas and her family are no different.

"In the beginning I think it was harder for my mom than it was my dad," she said. "My dad is so old-fashioned and rugged. He told me, 'When you're ready to talk about this you come to me.' My mom, on the other hand, sometimes gets real upset."

One evening over the summer as she walked past her parents' room and saw her mother reading in bed. Jill popped her head in.

"You know, I'm OK," she said.

"What do you mean?," her mom said, looking up from her book.

"I know you might think you don't know how to come talk to me or how to approach me," Jill said.

"Well, I don't," her mom said, starting to cry.

"I think what's helped them out a lot is I'm not depending on them. I have to depend on myself," Thomas said. "I went through this, I have to do this myself. Just because this happened, my parents don't have to live through it like I lived through it.

"My family, my boyfriend have helped me out so much. There's that comfort of your best friend and then there's that comfort of your boyfriend. We don't even need to talk. He can just tell and then he'll give me a hug and that's all I need."

Sometimes more is needed.

Sometimes it's just being around and talking to those who have gone through a similar ordeal.

That's why in April, Thomas and a group from NIU traveled to Virginia Tech for a 10,000-strong candlelight vigil to honor the 32 victims of that school's shooting.

"I went there because I felt I had a connection even though I didn't know anybody there. It was, 'OK, I can talk to you, you can talk to me, we can explain our stories,'" she said. "I started telling my story and I see the girl across from me starting to tear up and I'm like, 'No, its OK, this isn't about me, it's about you,' and she says, 'I know, but I wish it didn't happen.'"

Also helping Thomas through the coping process is her work with the Office of Support & Advocacy at NIU.

"I'm on that committee and I was able to talk with some of the counselors. It's also helpful to talk with the students (in Cole) because we can all share our stories - we all don't have the same one," she said. "We all took different paths, we were all in different places. We all went through different things. It's helpful to talk with them because then we can relate and then it's like OK, we can get through this. I'm not planning to live my life every day waking up, 'Oh, it's Feb. 14th again.'

"My nightmares do not compare to my reality," Thomas says months after the shooting. "I would rather live through my nightmares than live through my reality because I struggle with this every single day."

The first few months after the shooting, she went into a depression. No longer was she life-of-the-party Jill, the girl with the ready smile or quick joke.

"I've always been the happy, cheery girl who makes everyone laugh," she said. "As my counselor said, this part of my life is gone, you'll never be that Jill again. Now you have to build the new Jill, and that's what I'm doing."

Is it working?

"Yeah, she's partially back," Thomas said with a smile. "She's getting there."