Grammar Moses: Home on the range, where deer and antelope, but not fish, play
Perhaps this advice is ill-timed, given its proximity to Christmas, but here goes:
Cardinal Blaise Cupich's goodwill mission to Puerto Rico is a noble endeavor, and from what we've seen in his dealings with young people in the Chicago Archdiocese, he is a pretty cool guy.
But even with all of the Catholic Church behind him, he needs to worry about over-promising.
What kind of sacrilege is this, you ask?
Allow me to explain.
In discussing his trip to Puerto Rico, Cupich said he would take "everything from diapers to chain saws" with him to ensure Puerto Ricans had the supplies they need.
Ah, the dreaded false range.
When one promises a range of things in which the first thing and the last thing really have no business being in the same shopping bag, you have a false range.
A true range requires people, places, things or concepts that constitute a limited set.
"Hey, hon, I just remembered the dentist says I need to pick up everything from floss to a Waterpik. Would you mind grabbing that for me while you're running to the store for formula for the baby at 2 a.m.?"
The true range of dental products also might include toothpaste, bleach strips, a tongue scraper and mouthwash. They're all part of a limited list of things we should use in the quest for good dental health. Or so I've been told.
If I were to spend as much time working on my teeth as my dentist wishes, I might have to forgo the gym in the morning. Or shaving. So, really, how limited is it?
It's nonsensical (pardon me, Father) to suggest even something as powerful and well-equipped as the Catholic Church would have "everything" from diapers to chain saws.
What would that list look like? Blackjack licorice gum, late-model Toyota Corollas, pink sunrises, Teletubbies, bearnaise sauce, fossilized mammoth teeth, parallel construction, Christmas ornaments, log splitters? Where does the list end? It doesn't.
Puerto Ricans need everything but more polluted water, and I'm sure that's what Cupich meant to convey.
Think about that on Christmas morning when you're silently cursing your kid for buying you the wrong golf balls or another bottle of English Leather that you'll have to hide under the sink.
Someone, anyone?
Helen Dawley has written to me at least twice, but I've never mentioned her in my column.
Today, that changes.
"When I woke up this morning and was thinking about a letter I must write, I had a poser," she wrote. "If you send something to a friend and you don't want her to feel she must keep it for eternity, do you suggest she send it to someone, anybody or somebody? It seems like you might have the answer."
I don't think there is anything definitive in my response, so take it only as advice from someone else who proofreads everything and gets frustrated.
Do you have a special someone?
Do you have a special anybody?
They're not quite synonyms, are they?
I view "anybody" as the widest group among these three words.
In context, "someone" usually makes you think of one person or someone specifically suited for something.
You don't want to sell that grungy old chair to someone, but rather to anyone or anybody.
So, if you're giving your friend something of value and you hope it remains cherished, you might suggest she pass it along to someone special.
If it doesn't mean much to you, tell her to feel free to give it to anyone or anybody she chooses.
Helen also asked whether "easier and "more easily" are the same.
No, ma'am.
"Easier" is an adjective, and "more easily" is an adverbial phrase.
"My job is easier than yours," for example, has "easier" comparing nouns - our two jobs.
"You do your job more easily than I" has "more easily" describing the action of doing the job.
And I can say unequivocally that you do your job more easily than I do mine.
Write carefully!
• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.