Good intentions sometimes go wrong

My younger brother called me the other day to share the most recent adventures of his family's new dog, Garage Sale Lily (Lily being the dog's name; garage sale being where they got her - but that's another story).

Lily had lived a rather sedentary life before coming to my brother's family, and the vet recommended she get some exercise, perhaps starting with a bit of casual walking. My brother runs marathons, so "casual" has a different meaning for him than it does for most mortals.

He and Lily set out on a rather rigorous training schedule, and she quickly began to show the benefits: increased energy and decreased girth.

But one morning, Lily seemed to be walking with decided discomfort, especially in her hindquarters. Wagging her tail seemed to be especially painful. Concerned, my brother once again consulted the vet, who suggested that Lily likely had strained something in her new fitness regimen. The vet then rattled off a Latin-laden diagnosis that translated to a pulled tail muscle.

My brother and Lily backed off their workout schedule, and Lily quickly recovered from her injury. Everything seemed fine until the other day when the family noticed Lily was again walking with that same uncomfortable gait and was obviously in pain. Puzzled, they called the vet. He had to think a bit but finally came up with an explanation.

It seems that Lily - whose heritage gives new meaning to the term "mixed breed" - includes in her lineage a proneness to such muscle strains. Brought to a new home full of children and other pets, and shown no end of attention and affection, Lily, the vet suggested, had just gotten so excited that she wagged her tail into its strained state.

As she got more used to her surroundings, and with a bit of quiet, she'd likely be just fine.

I like this story for all sorts of reasons, one of which is that it is a great example of how even the best intentions can go astray. How could you argue with the merits of getting poor Lily into better shape? She'd live a longer and healthier life because of it.

And what could possibly be wrong in giving a dog plenty of love and attention? Sometimes you just can't win for losing.

Of course, we all have such moments. Who among us hasn't encouraged a friend to start out on an ambitious new schedule of some sort only to find out they've been sidelined because they did too much too soon? Or maybe we've planned a surprise party for someone only to find out that the recipient is uncomfortable being in the limelight.

Good intentions don't seem to protect us from bad - or at least unexpected - outcomes.

I think sometimes this happens because we haven't fully thought out the potential consequences of acting on our good intentions. Even the simplest actions taken for the best reasons can produce results we didn't anticipate.

Life is complicated. A spontaneous gift for one of our children, for example, can lead to hurt and resentful feelings on the part of another of our children, who then takes the resentment out on the "privileged" sibling, who then … well, you get the idea.

Other times it may be a matter of skill. Our intentions may be adequate, but our ability to put our intentions into action is lacking. We might want to really surprise our spouse by balancing the checkbook, only to make an even bigger mess of it because we just aren't very good at it.

Finally, sometimes acting on even the best of intentions can actually require a bit of pain and discomfort if we are to be successful. I remember a colleague who specializes in working with alcoholics describing that crucial moment when family and friends would gather to confront drinkers with the reality and consequences of their behavior.

He had prepared these groups for the complexity of their task. They had practiced what they would say and do so that they each had their role down pat. He was present with them for support and guidance. Yet, it was still one of the most difficult things they would ever do, and led to more than a bit of stress and strain on their relationships.

It had to be done, however, if their problem drinking relatives or friends were ever going to come to terms with their alcoholism.

The point of all this, then, is not to discourage us from acting on our good intentions, but to encourage us to fully think through the consequences of our actions; to develop the skills to act effectively; and to accept that it's not always easy making good things happen.

Perhaps a final point ought to be that we need to grant ourselves a measure of forgiveness for those times when our good intentions go astray, and commit ourselves to learning from our experiences and doing better the next time around.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."