'The House' loses laughs to bloody mayhem, lewd gags

“The House” is astonishingly, mystifyingly unamusing. With Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler in lead roles, the comedy could have been solid counterprogramming to summer franchise-mania. Instead, director Andrew Jay Cohen delivers one lazy sketch after another, manufactured under the misguided pretense that lewdness and violence are inherently funny.

But it takes more than buckets of fake blood and alfresco bathroom adventures to produce laughs.

There's a mildly sweet story hiding under all the body fluids. Ferrell and Poehler play Scott and Kate, a couple whose lives revolve around their only child, Alex (Ryan Simpkins), a recent high school graduate. Alex plans to head to her dream school in the fall, though she doesn't realize that her parents can't afford it. In one of many illogical plot points, Scott and Kate were banking on a scholarship that their town awards, and the cash doesn't pan out.

Their best friend, Frank (Jason Mantzoukas), is also in a financial bind. So the three devise a scheme to open a gambling den in Frank's roomy abode. Since the house always wins, they reason, they'll make loads of cash off their suburban neighbors. Once the underground casino takes off — and Frank adds fight night, massage tables and a Hard Rock-caliber pool party — Scott and Kate start embracing the criminal life.

Cohen and Brendan O'Brien are credited with writing the screenplay, but the dialogue has the feel of amateur improv. The height of the movie's comedy is a recurring bit that Scott doesn't understand numbers. When he receives a $50,000 bill from Alex's new college, he panics, screaming, “$5 million?!” It's the kind of joke that usually comes with a laugh track.

The bloody violence comes out of nowhere, like a desperate bid to distract from everything that came before. Because what's funnier than dismemberment?

In the end, “The House” aims to be a humorous version of “Breaking Bad,” with Scott and Kate justifying their behavior through the needs of their family. That's not a bad premise, but the execution is lacking in every way. It might be the only laughable thing about the movie.