Bay's fourth 'Transformers' sequel a disjointed work of visual anarchy
Even with the low bar set by Michael Bay's previous "Transformers" movies, "The Last Knight" stands apart as an incoherent, disjointed work of visual anarchy, fanboy fantasy, mirthless mayhem and emo-starved characters.
With its onslaught of violent visual effects, "The Last Knight" employs just enough story and character to barely keep the narrative elements connected.
According to this movie, the Transformers have been around on Earth for a long, long time.
King Arthur's Merlin (Stanley Tucci) wasn't all that magical; he had help from an ancient Transformer who presumably could change into a chariot if he wanted to.
Transformers helped the Allies win World War II. They used a lethal pocketwatch to kill Adolf Hitler. They were good guys.
In "The Last Knight," however, humans and Transformers have declared war on each other. The MIA Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen) returns to Earth just in time to join the search for Merlin's magic staff, given to him by the aforementioned Transformer of Yore.
Only that staff can save the earth from impending doom, as the juvenile, dumbed-down screenplay continually reminds us with shrill pronouncements such as "We're all going to die!" issued every few minutes.
The "Last Knight," we soon discover, refers to Mark Wahlberg's good old boy Texas inventor Cade Yeager. He reluctantly teams up with gorgeous Oxford professor Vivian Wembley (Laura Haddock) and befuddled Sir Edmund Burton (Anthony Hopkins, who has gone from creating "Westworld" robots seeking humanity to Autobots who are already more human than the people around them).
Vivian, a supersmart woman with impressive physical stamina, becomes a savior figure, yet, the movie takes an odd passive-aggressive stance against her.
Cade puts Vivian down for being intelligent, logical and confident. He calls her uppity and says she talks too much. He accuses her of dressing like "a stripper."
"I"m speechless!" Vivian says.
"Thank you!" Cade replies.
Presumably, Bay intended Cade and Vivian to warm up to each other before the climactic war of the worlds finale at Stonehenge. But the only thing they exchange is gunfire with the rogue Transformer Megatron (Frank Welker) and his morphing minions.
"The Last Knight" runs an excruciating 149 minutes (65 minutes if you eliminate Bay's pretentious and overused slow-motion scenes of PG-13-rated carnage and killing).
Bay shot this sequel in IMAX 3-D (critics on Monday night saw it in standard 3-D format), and the visual effects do look impressive.
But characters and story get thrown under the yellow bus (Wait, could that be Bumblebee disguised?) in a hodge-podge action/comedy/thriller that makes no attempt to establish internal logic, recognize the laws of physics, or physical limits.
On a military jet bound for Stonehenge, Cade and Vivian discover their feral child mascot, Izabella (Isabela Moner), hiding in the cargo bay.
"How did you get here?" Cade asks.
Izabella simply replies, "I don't know."
How does this make sense?
I don't know.
“Transformers: The Last Knight”
★ ½
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Duhamel, Laura Haddock
Directed by: Michael Bay
Other: A Paramount Pictures release. Rated PG-13 for language, violence. 149 minutes