Words and actions show others how we view them
The report had just three categories: "Vacancies," "Added" and "Deleted." Simple enough. A fairly standard posting of personnel comings and goings like you'd find at most any large corporation.
This time, though, one of the names in the "Deleted" column was somebody I knew well, somebody who'd given a good 20 years of his life to building the organization, someone who had acted as a mentor to a whole generation of leaders, and someone who had become a friend. And now he was simply listed as "deleted."
Don't get me wrong, he had received more than his share of testimonials, awards and retirement parties. I actually think he'd gotten a little tired of saying goodbye. Certainly his leaving had been handled with sensitivity and respect. That is, until he got deleted.
We miss or mishandle so many opportunities to treat each other as individuals rather than things. Some are easy to identify, such as when corporations - in the name of risk management - have armed guards escort "terminated" (and isn't that another great choice of words?) employees to their desks and out the door.
Imagine the risk to the good will and commitment of everybody else when they see this happen.
Some are more subtle, such as when the kid at the coffee shop says "thank you" and, in our self-absorption, we fail to make eye contact and reply "you're welcome" in return.
And some are so much a part of our lives that, until they impact on us personally - like seeing a friend "deleted" - we don't even see them as opportunities to treat each other better.
Sadly, the more power we have over other people, the more we can treat them as things rather than individuals. Parents do it to children. Employers do it to employees. Customers do it to clerks.
Even when we're with our closest family, co-workers or friends, we can too easily lose track of the reality of those we are with. Husbands, wives, elderly parents, siblings, the person at the desk next to us, a childhood best buddy - all can be relegated to the category of things rather than people.
Every day we will touch the lives of people whom we can choose to see as things to be dealt with, even deleted, or as individuals to be encountered and cared for. We add a little bit more humanity to their worlds, and to our own, each time we make that second choice.
• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."