EXCHANGE: Dads' support group offers advice, perspective

DECATUR, Ill. (AP) - The father of an active 3-year-old girl, Brendan Barnett wants to be the best dad he can for her.

When he heard about Raising Up Dads, a support and education program for fathers, he thought maybe he could learn from others in similar phases of life.

"I wanted to see what the other fathers had to say," Barnett said, "and learn from them."

The group meets at New Life Pregnancy Center for an hour every Monday. Program consultant John Power, 35, designed the meetings to help fathers find some perspective about their future.

"Who I am right now that is probably what my kid is going to be in about 20 years," Power said. "So if I'm not OK with who I am now, I need to take some steps."

Fathers attending the meetings come from various backgrounds and all levels of parenting. "Some dads come in who have a newborn and it's their first kid," Power said. "I have some who have teenagers and some who are grandparents raising their grandkids and need a refresher."

The meetings last about one hour, with the first 30 minutes devoted to child development education and reflections on parenting. "We are looking back on the last week, what was good and hasn't been going well or what we can work on," Power said. "It's not just about discipline. It gets into care and how their relationships are with their partners and the community. Also taking care of your mental health."

The remainder of the meeting is an open forum with parenting questions answered, including partner relationships.

The fathers discuss situations and what worked for each. "It is a good experience to be around other dads and talk about how they deal with their children," Barnett said. "When they are acting out or otherwise."

Brian Bowman, 41, is newly divorced from his 3-year-old daughter's mother. He said he had some skills, but wanted to consider ways to improve and fulfill both parenting roles.

Bowman attended Raising Up Dads to find the support and advice he needed. "Sometimes you need that positive feedback and to hear 'hey, it wasn't that bad'," he said.

Power was asked to join as a program consultant and to create Raising Up Dads. He said everything he teaches in the program is based on evidence. He has a master's degree in social work and previously worked with the organization Boys Town, a nonprofit that supports at-risk youth and families. Currently, he is interning as a social worker in the Decatur Public Schools.

His desire to help others began as a volunteer at New Life Pregnancy Center. He was also a stay-at-home dad for several years.

"I thought my experience could help," Power said. "I've raised a lot of kids through the foster care system, and I have kids of my own."

New Life offers other father support groups including a Thursday morning faith-based program for dads and Healthy Parenting available for all parents by request.

The fathers say Raising Up Dads is akin to the play dates many mothers attend with their children.

"They do a lot of the same things we do here," Bowman said. "We, as guys, don't have that built in."

"Even the mothers that work, they get together and talk," Barnett said.

Power has studied the cultural change of fathers' involvement in their children's lives. "They are wanting to be more involved, to take some of that burden off the mom who feels like they have to do everything," he said.

As time progresses, fathers are seeing the rewards of hands-on parenting. "It's really cool to be a dad," Power said.

___

Source: The (Decatur) Herald & Review, https://bit.ly/2S93xjn

___

Information from: Herald & Review, http://www.herald-review.com