Create a family environment where each person feels important

"Love is patient and kind … it is not rude or unmannerly."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4,5 (AMP)

My mother was a collector. She collected dolls, such as Shirley Temple, Raggedy Ann and baby dolls. She also enjoyed special plates, such as those in the Currier and Ives editions.

When she passed away several years ago, my oldest sister inherited her doll collection. I enjoyed a plate with a cardinal on it. My other sister enjoyed a few gems from her jewelry box.

Many of us enjoy family legacies being passed down, such as a legacy of some great thing an ancestor has done, or a tangible inheritance. The inheritances of concern to us should be of the habits, attitudes, beliefs, perceptions and patterns handed down through our parents and grandparents - they shape our thinking and beliefs. Sometimes they can be good, oftentimes, they can be destructive and extremely dysfunctional creating chaos and drama in our lives.

We are familiar with the family patterns, such as divorce, alcohol, anger, violence, mental illness and infidelity, that cause lack of trust and harmony in our homes. But there are also subtle dysfunctional sins that are equally destructive.

Carrying a chip on our shoulders makes us bitter and difficult to live with. Wrong perceptions and closed mindedness can cloud our understanding. Insecurity makes us defensive or over sensitive. Masking feelings of guilt and shame with busyness, drugs or alcohol hurts us rather than helps. Our finger pointing and lashing out doesn't help our situation or make it go away.

A family should create an environment where each person feels important. A household should nurture and listen to one another not withhold love as a punishment (love is patient and kind). Love confronts an issue, but it does it with the interest to help the other person. A healthy family should seek to understand and establish healthy boundaries and rules that are good for everyone.

Dealing with our dysfunctions can cause great pain, guilt and anger or sadness. Allowing God's love to help us receive forgiveness and grow past the hurt and pain can bring function and create peace.

• Annettee Budzban is a Christian author, motivational speaker, life coach and nurse. She is available to speak at your church or group. She can be contacted at (847) 543-8413, P.O. Box 532 Grayslake, Il 60030 or Annetteebudzban@aol.com. Visit www.annetteebudzban.com