Watercooler: Nudge boss's expectations back to reality
Q: I work for a solo attorney who frequently suggests I'm not providing enough value. For example, when I work steadily without taking any kind of break, he will say, "Is that all you've done?" or, "You haven't done XYZ yet?"
Because his attitude is cheap in general, I know it's not personal. Nonetheless, his response and attitude suck the enthusiasm and morale right out of me.
I have thought of saying, "When you make comments like this, you make me feel demoralized, devalued, demeaned." However, I'm not sure that would be considered a professional response.
A: Not that your feelings don't matter, but I'd argue that the real problem here is that your boss seems to expect more than you're capable of delivering. Since you're already doing your best, the solution is to nudge his unrealistic expectations into line with reality.
Every morning, apprise him of your to-do list and how long you expect each task to take, and ask what he needs you to tackle first. That way, when he buzzes by to drain your morale like a micromanaging mosquito, you can show him you're on track and ask if he wants to shift the priorities.
A bright, matter-of-fact attitude - with many repetitions - should eventually train him to trust that you will deliver, which - bonus - may get him to ease up on the hurtful needling. And if not, try to wait until you're off the clock to release your feelings - and your updated résumé.
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Q: I am a veterinarian at a clinic associated with an animal shelter. There has been animosity, resentment and judging between the clinic staff and shelter floor staff.
I met with the director (A) and the shelter manager (B) to discuss how I would like to improve things. I said I felt the shelter floor manager (C) was exacerbating the problem.
For two weeks, C refused to speak to me, until I confronted her and learned that she had heard from B that I had backstabbed her. We had a great talk, but C is hurt, and I feel unfairly portrayed.
A: Unlike with the first question, the feelings here must be addressed before any performance issues can be fixed.
And the best tool to drain that bad blood is an apology to A, B and C: "I am sorry for the hurt feelings I caused. I thought I knew what was causing the strife, but I didn't have the complete picture. Talking with C has opened my eyes."
No, you're not the only one who should apologize, but someone's got to take the lead. And since you're leading, you might propose that the clashing staffs be allowed to have their feelings heard as well, so your management team can come up with better-informed solutions that get at the heart of the conflict.
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Ask Karla Miller about your work dramas and traumas by emailing wpmagazine@washpost.com.