Happy thoughts lead to happy life

It's a simple exercise. Take an index card and write down all the things in your life you can feel good about.

Do you have a roof over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back? Write it down. Do you have friends or family who care about you? Write it down. Do you have something to do today that is worth doing? Write it down. Did you manage to get out of bed this morning? Write it down.

Keep this card with you. Stick it in your wallet or purse. Put it in a pocket. Tape a copy to the refrigerator. Stuff one in the car visor.

Any time you find yourself thinking about how hard things are, how life isn't turning out the way you expected, how disappointed or frustrated or defeated you feel, pull this list out. Read it. Then read it again. Then read it again and keep reading it until your thoughts and feelings are focused on what you do have, not what you don't.

My grandmother used to call this "counting your blessings." Considering she had come to Illinois from rural Arkansas by mule-drawn wagon and raised her children during the Depression, she likely looked at the world around her from a different perspective than we, her grandchildren, did.

The things we took for granted certainly seemed like luxuries to her. She often marveled that there was always more than enough for us all to eat at the Sunday table, or that her house was warm and comfortable all winter.

Modern neuroscience gives physical evidence to support grandma's blessing-focused attitude. It seems that the thoughts we most often think literally build and reinforce neural pathways in our brains. The more we think these thoughts, the stronger these pathways become. Eventually, such pathways become so prominent that they actually influence the way we look at the world around us.

When our thinking is chronically negative, when it focuses on what's wrong with our lives, what we don't have, what hasn't worked out exactly the way we want it to, then the neural pathways we build and strengthen reflect such thinking.

They become ruts that direct our awareness - what we notice around us - and our cognitions - what we think about it. All this results in our feeling emotions like frustration, sadness, anxiety, fear, despair, etc. And our behaviors follow suit; we often act out our negative thoughts and feelings in self-defeating and self-destructive ways.

When we choose to think positively, when we focus on what's right with our lives, what we do have, what has worked out for us, then we build and reinforce neural pathways that reflect such a choice. They become grooves that help us focus our awareness and thinking in a positive direction.

Our feelings follow along. We feel more relaxed, happy, assured, confident and peaceful. And we behave in ways that often create even more things to think and feel positive about.

So count your blessings. And count them again and again and again, until it becomes a habit. It makes a real difference.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."