Oak Brook mayor's secret to a happy marriage: 'love, giving, more giving'

Back in 1975, when I was doing postgraduate training in cardiovascular medicine at Michael Reese Medical Center in Chicago, my parents called me to return home to get married.

I am the oldest of the six children in our family, and Dad told me I was "holding up the queue," meaning that until I got married, the rest of my brothers and sisters could not.

Additionally, my Mom needed to have some serious abdominal surgery but would not do so until she had discharged her most important responsibility of getting her oldest child married.

So, I returned home to Jakarta, Indonesia (where I was born and my family still resides).

Even before my arrival, my family and friends in Jakarta got to work to "arrange" my marriage. Arranged marriages are a tradition in South Asian communities, and continue to account for the majority of marriages there.

After failing to find a suitable match in Jakarta, my parents took me to Bombay, India, where my Grandma resides and where she has a large network of friends who are always willing to assist. These well-wishers would "line up" a few girls on a daily basis during my brief stay there.

In olden times, the bride and groom were neither asked for their consent, nor were they informed about their partner. However, with the evolution of time (and luckily for me), I had some say-so in the ultimate selection, and was allowed restricted meetings and small conversations with them.

After seeing more than a dozen girls, my family and I finally selected an amazing and attractive young woman, Nima Kripalani, whom I met on Oct. 23, 1975, got quickly engaged to on Oct. 27, and then married on Oct. 29, all within a week!

Most Westerners cannot even begin to imagine marrying someone they do not love or know well enough. However, it is a well-known fact that the divorce rate in "arranged" marriages is much lower than the so-called "love" marriages that we see in the Western world.

In either case, it is ultimately about commitment to a lasting relationship.

Although Nima and I did not "fall" in love before our marriage, we have "risen" in love over the years since, and last year we celebrated our 40th anniversary. It is all about love, giving, more giving, and forgiving.

As Ruth Bell Graham so aptly said: "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers."

• Gopal Lalmalani is the village president of Oak Brook.