All your high school H2O FAQ's answered

As we embark on another high school boys swimming season, I thought it would be helpful for parents, coaches and swimmers alike to have access to a question-and-answer forum for our sport, in the interest of the greater aquatic good.

At the risk of sounding like a know-it-all, and in the interest of having conveniently concise questions sent my way, I am conducting this session with myself.

Call it a self-absorbed FAQ for H2O.

As a onetime four-year varsity high school swimmer who met with some team and individual success, as a parent with a child swimming at the varsity level (fingers crossed) and as a sports writer who has covered high school swimming for almost 30 years, I am hopeful that my somewhat unique perspective is helpful.

Q: Suddenly, my son never wants to shower at home. Is this normal?

A: Yes. Please bear in mind that he is being de-germed at least once and frequently twice a day by chlorine, which is stronger than any soap you can buy. They also have showers at the pools; it is fine to encourage their use.

Q: I'm a junior on my team, and I don't like how hard the practices are. Also, they're too long. Should I ask for a meeting with the AD?

A: I would strongly recommend trying several steps before taking this one. First, I would contact my team captain(s) and discuss the matter at a peer level. If this outcome is not satisfactory, I would ask to speak to the coach directly. Finally, I would summon every ounce of remaining backbone and try to suffer along gracefully with my teammates. The last of these choices will build the most character, and will also help you swim faster.

Q: We have awesome divers on our team, and everybody gets along great, but what does diving have in common with swimming?

A: The water.

Q: I'm a coach, and we have to share our pool with another team this season. How long will this continue?

A: It depends, but there is hope in sight for all five District 211 pools. Eventually, all will be improved dramatically from their current state. Conant's is already finished, Fremd's is nearing completion and Hoffman Estates isn't too far behind Fremd. Once Fremd is finished, Palatine's rehab begins. Once Hoffman Estates is finished, Schaumburg's starts. The projects last about a year apiece, so all should be finished less than two years from today.

Q: My coach keeps putting me in the 500-yard freestyle. When I swim it, I feel as if my innards are going to spontaneously exit my body - might this actually occur?

A: The sensation is universal for anyone putting full effort into this race. But do not be discouraged, for I have never seen it happen. Yet.

Q: At our team's parent meeting to start the year, the coaches warned us that our sons will have to shave their bodies at the end of the season. Should I call my lawyer?

A: That is strictly up to you, but it is standard practice for swimmers to shave their bodies. It is 100 percent effective in the pursuit of swimming fast, and this certainty applies to all levels of development and maturity. Also, and this is mostly a secret owing to social norms, but girls teams save the shave for the big meet, too. Accept it and move on. And you non-swimmers, stop snickering.

Q: I like the swimmers I'm coaching just fine, but their parents are another story. How can I keep them off my back so I can just do my job?

A: I recommend a direct approach, however uncomfortable that may make you. Even the best of parents may need to be reminded that the coach-swimmer arrangement is analagous to the doctor-patient relationship, and that by respecting this structure they will be helping their teenager attain adulthood more readily. My own high school coach had a tactic for a tough parent, which he eventually shared with me. When asked to meet with a particularly difficult dad, he finally agreed, and then said, "I'm the coach, your son is the swimmer, and you're the parent. As far as I can tell, we're all doing our jobs, and this meeting is over."

Q: Why is our pantry perpetually barren?

A: It is being emptied by your swimmer. But take heart, because the contents are going directly toward the development of the best-conditioned athletes at your school.

Q: I'm just a freshman - what makes high school swimming different from club swimming?

A: In what is by nature an individualistic sport, the high school level provides a format which presents the most team-centered version of swimming. Especially in the many dual meets, performing well on relays is the key. While there still should be individual gains, the real greatness in high school swimming is derived from the togetherness of it. Here, you will learn some of the life skills more commonly associated with team sports - what it means to sacrifice for a larger group, and also how that same group can benefit you. You will learn cooperation, tolerance, and you may be surprised by how fierce you become together. You will learn how to resolve conflicts with teammates, and probably make several best friends for life. As a result of all this, likely you will receive a funny nickname. Among mine were 'Soul Train' and 'Great White Buffalo.' Just in case it is not clear, you may not choose your own nickname.

Q: Could you describe the perfect high school swimmer, using some of this year's top competitors?

A: I'd start by combining attributes from the top three returning swimmers for defending Mid-Suburban League champion Barrington - the classy elegance of Colin Cross, the diverse skill set of Colin O'Leary and the bulldog toughness of Mitch Gavars. Then I'd somehow infuse our guy with the intensity in Palatine's Alex Bartosik and the all-around tenacity of Wheeling's Jake Noel. I'd need to include some room for the sheer talent level and boldness in Hersey's Michael Petro and St. Viator's Michael Balcerak, and I must insist on reserving a presence for whomever ends up anchoring Fremd's 200 free relay.

Q: Can you recommend a hair-care product for my son?

A: No. The only real solution here is not-swimming, which I cannot endorse.

Q: My mom waves a foam 'No. 1' finger and embarrasses me by screaming so loud at my meets, and my dad thinks he knows everything about swimming.

A: First of all, this is not a question but rather a declarative sentence, which helps explain your recent struggles in English. Now then, your mom attended the high school you now represent, and she's nuts about you. Your dad loves swimming like he loves breathing, so to see you participating in it is wildly fun for him. The best course here is to wave, shoot them an occasional smile and be thankful for your No. 1 fans.

agabriel@dailyherald.com