It's OK to say 'I goofed'

"The cruise ship was sinking!"

"No, no, the barge had sunk."

"Three men had been taken to the hospital!"

"No, I heard everyone was OK."

"I'll bet the captain got himself fired with this one!"

"Actually, I heard the harbor pilot was sailing the ship."

"They're saying we'll get back to Miami way too late to catch our flight!"

"Nah, we'll be back in plenty of time."

And on and on.

What did happen?

One of our favorite vacations involved one of those western Caribbean cruises, which so many of us have been on. It was an enjoyable and uneventful sail until the fourth day of our trip when our cruise ship rammed a barge pulling into our Mexican port of call.

There was some damage (in particular a Volkswagen size dent in the side of the ship), and we had to stay docked longer than planned to make at least temporary repairs.

That was all we were actually told by the ship's officers. All the rest of what circulated among passengers and even crew was rumor. And as time passed and we were not told any more, the rumors became more numerous, more varied and more negative.

Not too surprisingly, we passengers got irritated, then frustrated, then angry. And I can't imagine it was much fun for the crew, either.

"Why didn't they just tell us what was going on? Didn't they trust us? Did they think we were stupid? Hey, treat us like adults, not children!"

By the time we got back to Miami, our shipboard hosts had one very large group of dissatisfied customers and employees. And it didn't have to happen that way.

Nobody likes to admit we have problems or make mistakes. We feel embarrassed, ashamed and inadequate, like failures. So we try to cover up or minimize the nature, scope or severity of what has gone wrong. We figure (or hope) the less other people know the better.

More often than not, that strategy backfires. People get bits and pieces of information and then just make up the rest. And usually what they make up is either worse than what's actually going on or just plain wrong. I guess it is just human nature that when we don't know what's going on we assume the worst.

And people often get angry, real angry, in such situations. Nobody likes a cover up; nobody likes being misled. Nobody likes being treated like they are stupid.

Ironically, it seems that the more people know the more tolerance, patience and forgiveness they usually have. And the more people know the more they can help us solve our problems or rectify our mistakes. They become partners, not protagonists.

I don't know that any of us on board the ship could have helped with repairs (I rather doubt it), but we certainly could have been less demanding and more sympathetic to the overworked crew.

Whether we are ship captains, or managers, or spouses, or parents (or even politicians), we need to be as open and honest as we can in handling our problems and mistakes.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."