Do I matter if they can get by without me?

A few weeks ago I found myself confined with a mild bout of stomach flu. Too sick to be up and busy, too well to lay there in lethargy, I found myself fretting over all the things I was not getting done and the burden this placed on my family at home and my colleagues at work.

Now, neither my family nor colleagues seemed as concerned about this as I was. In fact, my inability to shoulder my part of the load did not seem half as alarming to them as it did to me. They seemed to be quite able to do what had to be done, and without being particularly resentful at the extra effort this took.

And things did get accomplished. Not everything I had planned the way I had planned it, but somehow what seemed to be important got done well enough that life went on.

After I got over my initial guilt at not contributing my fair share, I was relieved. Home and work could handle my absence. People could pick up the slack. Some things didn't have to get done. I didn't have to take care of everything or everybody.

I was, I confess, also a bit disappointed. If things went along OK without my famous (or infamous) planning and attention to detail, without my steady step-by-step pursuit of each goal, without my dogged determination to get it "just right," how important was my contribution after all?

If some things didn't get done according to my schedule, even if some things didn't get done at all, were they really as important as I made them out to be? If those around me could take care of themselves (and even me) without my constant watchful effort, was my care-taking as necessary as I had thought?

And what was my value if neither my exemplary work habits nor my selflessness was as central to the functioning of the universe as I assumed? (Do I detect a bit of grandiosity in that last statement?)

Maybe I was sicker than I remember, or at least a bit delirious. Certainly I was suffering from a case of elevated ego. Once my fever spiked, I began to think a bit more rationally.

Of course, good work habits are important if we are going to get things done as efficiently and effectively as possible. Some things do need to get done. Taking care of those around us is necessary to some degree if our relationships are to be fulfilling and meaningful. And my family and colleagues do appreciate (usually) how I live my life.

But they also value me just for being me. And I can, at times, not hover over those I love and care about them the way I tend to do. And I can even back off a little from my pursuit of excellence in everything I try to accomplish.

These aren't new ideas, of course. We've all heard them before. "Life sometimes has more to do with being rather than with doing." Or, "no one ever lay on their deathbed complaining they didn't get enough done." Stuff like that. I guess I just need to get sick every now and then to remind myself of what I already know.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."