Gire: From spit-takes to tandem screams, ban these movie cliches

<b>5 visual clichés I hate</b>

Here are five more visual crutches I would like to not see for another five years:

Actors who inexplicably talk into walls or windows while addressing people 10 feet behind them. (Theatrical artifice doesn't work well in the more literal world of cinema.) See Tommy Lee Jones in "Emperor," Benedict Cumberbatch in "Star Trek Into Darkness" and Tom Cruise in "Jack Reacher."

Stupid, cutesy-poo car license plates that supposedly tell us something about the drivers: the NtGty plate in "Lincoln Lawyer," the Bad 1 plate from "Bedazzled" and the DEVIL plate from "101 Dalmatians."

Tandem screams in which two (sometimes more) people shriek in unison as they're about to crash their car or go over a waterfall. See Steve Martin and John Candy in "Planes, Trains and Automobiles," James Garner and Jack Lemmon in "My Fellow Americans," the Olsen twins in "New York Minute."

Attractive women who always move in slow motion the first time men spot them: "Friday," "The Sandlot," "She's Out of Control," "Daredevil."

Spit-takes, where a character becomes so surprised, he/she spews drink or food all over other people. (Even Garry Marshall banned this device from his TV comedies.) See it in "Legally Blonde," "The Proposal," "Weather Girl," "Lola Versus" and "Take This Waltz."

<b>Film critics notebook:</b>

The Pickwick Theatre's Classic Film Series begins its second season with a 50th anniversary screening of the greatest 007 movie ever made, 1964's "Goldfinger" starring Sean Connery as Agent 007 and Honor Blackman as Pussy Galore. "Goldfinger" screens at 7:30 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 18 at the Pickwick, 5 S. Prospect Ave., Park Ridge. General admission costs $7. Go to parkridgeclassicfilm.com. Program host Matthew C. Hoffman reports that officials from the Ian Fleming Foundation will be attending.

The classic 1964 Henry Fonda Cold War atomic bomb drama "Fail Safe" has been adapted into a stage production by Strawdog Theatre Company, 3829 N. Broadway St., Chicago. "Fail Safe" is directed by Anderson Lawfer, who previously adapted another movie - the 2008 killer virus thriller "Pontypool" - into a throat-gripping stage experience. The "Fail Safe" preview will be at 8 p.m. on Sunday, Sept. 14, with opening night's show at 8 p.m. Monday, Sept. 15. Tickets are at strawdog.org or (866) 811-4111.

The Chicago South Asian Film Festival starts its three-day run on Thursday, Sept. 18, with movies shown at both Chicago's Showplace Icon Theater and the Evanston Public Library, 1703 Orrington Ave., Evanston. Go to csaff.org.

Reeling: The 32nd Chicago LGBT International Film Festival runs from Thursday, Sept. 18, to Thursday, Sept. 25, with more than 100 features and shorts to be shown at the Music Box Theatre, Chicago Filmmakers and the Century Centre Cinema. Go to reelingfilmfestival.org for tickets and schedules.

It's never too early to prepare for the 50th Chicago International Film Festival that runs Oct. 9 to 23. The opening night movie will be "Miss Julie," directed by Ingmar Bergman actress Liv Ullmann and starring Jessica Chastain, Colin Farrell and Samantha Morton. Ullman is expected to be at the Oct. 9 showing at the Harris Theater, 205 E. Randolph Dr., Chicago. The red carpet rolls out at 6 p.m. Go to chicagofilmfestival.com for tickets, schedules and special offers.

<i> Dann Gire's Reel Life column runs Fridays in the Daily Herald. Follow Dann on Twitter at @DannGireDHFilm.</i>