Why kids who weather divorce might be more likely to use drugs

Editor's note: This story originally ran on Jan. 15, 2003 as part of the Daily Herald's "Hidden Scourge: Heroin in the Suburbs" series.

Going through a divorce can be rough.

But as hard as it is for adults, it's twice as tough on their children, said Suzy Marta, founder and president of the Rolling Meadows-based Rainbows, a grief support organization for children.

And all too often, when mom or dad moves out, drugs or alcohol fill the void.

And while there is no evidence that suggests divorce automatically leads children to abuse drugs, experts are clear about the warning signs that come from family upheaval.

"There's a myth out there that kids are resilient," Marta said. "Without question, the kids are in so much pain because of what's happening ... and no one's talking to them ... it can lead to all kinds of dangerous behavior."

Last year, the Daily Herald told the stories of many of the 30 young people who died from drug overdoses.

Of the 27 whose parents' marital status is known, 16 - about 59 percent - came from single-parent homes. Of those, 13 had parents who were divorced. One young man's parents were separated; one father died about a year before his son, another about five years earlier.

Marta, who recently wrote a book titled "Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope," described the numbers as "frightening."

Yet they are far from surprising, considering several studies and statistics about drug use among children of divorce or other single-parent situations.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 40 percent of all children have parents who divorce.

Of all the children and adolescents in chemical dependency hospitals nationwide, 75 percent are from single-parent families, the Centers for Disease Control found. The CDC statistic does not break down how many of that 75 percent are homes that experienced divorce or were single-parent families for some other reason.

When parents divorce, separate or when a parent dies, a child's entire life changes, Marta said. Their mother and/or father may behave differently. They may have to move to a new house or a new school. There may be new rules, a change in the family's financial situation. They often fear abandonment and lose the security they may have once had.

To prevent substance abuse or other problems from taking hold, Marta and Karen DeBord, a child development specialist with the National Network for Child Care, offered the following suggestions:

- Talk to your kids, both about their loss and drugs. Open lines of communication are key, Marta said. Explain to your children what is happening, reassure them that they are still loved, let them know they can talk to you about drugs or anything else that may be on their mind.

- Keep routines and maintain rules. A child needs as much stability as possible, DeBord said. Resist the urge to make kids feel better by allowing them to do things they wouldn't normally be allowed to do.

- Monitor your child's activities. This is true for any parent. Know who your child's friends are and get to know their parents. Ask where they're going, what they're doing, when they'll be home.

- Don't use the child as a "replacement partner." Your child shouldn't be the person with whom you discuss adult problems, DeBord said.

- Participate in some kind of counseling or group therapy. Rainbows offers a program called Spectrum at area schools designed specifically for young people who have experienced some kind of loss. Joint counseling, with children and parents, may also be effective, DeBord said.

A recent National Institutes of Health study found such "preventive sessions" reduced acting out, drug and alcohol use and sexual promiscuity. The percentage of teens who experienced some kind of mental disorder in the first year after a divorce also decreased 50 percent among those who participated in counseling, the study found.

- Keep your child's school apprised. Make sure teachers and school officials know what's happening and that they alert you to any problems.

There is no one solution that will prevent drug abuse - and no guarantee that kids won't use drugs, no matter what their home life is like. But the numbers - at least 16 dead from overdoses in just one year - are the clearest sign that parents and other adults must watch out for children in such situations, Marta said.

" (Loss) has a powerful impact," she said. "Children going through this life-altering change must be tended to."