Bears latest victims to get Tebowed
Maybe you heard about it, maybe you read about it, maybe you thought you understood it.
That Tim Tebow thing, that is.
Whatever anybody thinks they knew about this … this … this whatever this is …
No mere mortals know diddly pooh until it strikes them dead or at least defeated.
Even then they don't get it.
Tebow has won six straight starts as the Broncos' quarterback, including Sunday's 13-10 overtime baffler over the Bears.
Getting Tebowed, it's called, a phenomenon that you previously might have thought was an unsubstantiated rumor.
Tebow didn't just Tebow the Bears, though. He took them to the Barber for a shave, took them to school for a lesson in Tebowism 101, and took them behind the woodshed for the cruelest of whippings.
Cruelest of all, Tebow took the Bears to the outside of the playoff picture and left them looking in after three straight losses.
“Today,” Bears head coach Lovie Smith said after the loss, “for whatever reason we didn't get the job done.”
Team after team couldn't pinpoint “whatever reason” the improbable Broncos improbably Tebowed them.
Look, sports miracles are myths. Magic? Well, that might be another story.
The only certainty is that paranormal happenings are normal when Tebow is on the field, and nearly all occur to his advantage.
So, Bears fans had to worry just a bit when the Bears led by a mere 10-0 after the first play of the fourth quarter.
About then Tebow sits or squats or kneels in prayer. That's also about when those prayers are answered.
The Tebow faithful like to attribute his success to a higher power. On this day it could be attributed to a lower power named Marion Barber.
The Bears' veteran running back's brain cramped twice “for whatever reason” at the most inopportune times.
Bears acting quarterback Caleb Hanie said in defense of his teammate, “That didn't lose the game for us.”
Yes, it did. Against another quarterback, maybe any other quarterback, it might not have mattered, but against Tebow it was destined to.
Of course, against another quarterback, maybe any other quarterback, Barber wouldn't have committed his gaffes.
Against Tebow the sideline wiggles where he wants it, the ball bounces where he wants it, and Adam's apples gag opponents like he wants it.
After all the fourth-quarter comebacks Tebow fashioned this season — this was the hundredth or thousandth — the extraordinary has become ordinary.
For whatever reason.
Tebow's passing motion is like quarterbacks' playing touch football in playgrounds down the street from you.
For three quarters the Broncos' passing game looks like it's playing bounce-or-fly. The ball routinely goes from Tebow to the turf, though to be fair sometimes through his receiver's hands.
Then in the fourth quarter, Tebow hits receivers, they hold on to passes, teammates come alive, the scoreboard flips, opponents flop, and the Broncos win.
Nobody seems to comprehend why.
Brian Urlacher referred to Tebow as “a good running back.” The best Lance Briggs could muster was “he played hard.” Julius Peppers said that “it wasn't anything special that he did.”
Some things defy explanation, and the Bears weren't in the mood to try to explain being Tebowed anyway.
They lost “for whatever reason” and left it at that.
mimrem@dailyherald.com