Going beyond baby name books for the perfect moniker

With nine months to prepare for the miracle of birth, moms and dads are busy taking childbirth classes, reading pregnancy books and decorating the baby's nursery. In between the huffs and puffs of Lamaze, and the groans of painting and decorating, there is the task of naming the baby.

For some it is easy, especially for those who have already agreed to honor a parent or grandparent. Sometimes, the naming creates more friction than a match against sandpaper and can ignite fiery anger and heated disagreements.

So how do you find the perfect name? Often parents turn to celebrities who have led the way, with such creative names as Apple, Moon, Ocean and Moxie Crimefighter. Some look to people in the news. Both Kate and Pippa Middleton have inspired maternity-wing moms to boost those names into the top 100.

Some names are outlawed. If you happen to be in Sweden during your pregnancy, hurry back before the contractions get too close if you like the name Elvis. In Sweden, “Elvis has left the building” or at least the list of acceptable names. Ditto for New Zealand where the Registrar of Births forbids the names: Lucifer, Duke, Bishop, Judge, King and Messiah. This from a country that OK'd “Number 16 Bus Shelter” as a name in 2008. Maybe that was the name that pushed the nation to the brink of banishment.

What is one of the most popular sources for names? The Bible ranks very high on the list.

Amy and Dave Moore of Batavia chose biblical names for their four children: Hannah, Joshua, Andrew and Aaron.

“We decided on biblical names with family names for middle names,” said Amy. “I really liked the name Benjamin but Dave refused to have one of his sons be called Benjamin Moore.”

Often parents name their children alphabetically, which is a good method for school lineups, program listings and attendance.

“We didn't set out to name our kids alphabetically,” said Char Berens. “I really liked the name Austin, so we gave our son that name.”

When their second child was born Char liked the name Brooklyn as a girl's name.

“I changed her name to Brooke because I didn't want people to think I was naming my kids after cities,” she added.

With their third child, the naming was done by Char's husband, Mike.

“We agreed that we would continue the ABC trend and give our second son a name that began with ‘C', I liked the name Cole, but my husband liked the name Conner,” she said. “We went with Conner.”

Yvor Stoakley's parents did the opposite when naming their children.

“My mother's name was Charles Ella and my father's name was Robert,” said Yvor, now an attorney in Naperville. “They agreed that my mother would name the boys and my dad would name the girls.”

The first baby was a girl and Robert Stoakley honored his sister, Almarian, but changed the first letter to a “Z” creating the name, Zlmarian. When their first son was born, Charles Ella changed the spelling of Ivor to Yvor to carry on the reverse alphabet trend. Two more sons followed: Xcylur and Wirza.

“My mother assured me that she never had any intention of completing the alphabet,” said Xcylur a financial consultant.

When names are too unusual, children can be subjected to teasing by others.

“We have experienced teasing, most of it innocent and good natured, both as children and adults. For the most part, my experience is that most people are curious, fascinated or intrigued by our names,” added Yvor.

Sometimes teasing and name calling can lead to bullying.

“Usually most of the teasing has to do with names that rhyme,” said Tom Dewese, a licensed clinical social worker on staff at TriCity Family Services in Geneva. “The children we see who talk about issues with their names are often dealing with other things such as ADD or ADHD.”

“I always liked having an unusual name,” said Xcylur. “It set me apart. It was unique. ”

One way to ensure a name gets the respect it deserves is to give your child the name of a high-ranking official.

The Rud family of Batavia lives in a blue bipartisan home, not a white house. Yet all three of their children share names with U.S. presidents.

“My stepson, Carter, 14, was named after the character Carter from the show, ‘E.R.,'” said Elaine Rud. “In kindergarten he wanted to change his name to Jack like one of his friends but that didn't last long.”

When Elaine Rud and her husband were choosing names for their second child the presidential naming began.

“My husband brought up Clinton, and I said, ‘Over my dead body,'” Elaine said. “I'm sure he was a good president, but I didn't want to name a child after him because of his morals.”

No presidential pardon there.

The Ruds were blessed with a daughter whom they named Kennedy. A second daughter, Reagan, followed two years later.

“When the girls were younger they would love to hear their names on the radio when the traffic report was on about the expressways,” Elaine said.

Ideas for names can come from television shows, books, movies, locations, or even nature. Most find their names through the tried-and-true method of using a baby name book or website.

“During our pregnancy, my husband and I probably spent more time than most parents trying to choose a name for our baby,” said Karen Beckley of Sycamore. “We felt strongly that the name we chose would influence the way the child would view him/herself, as well as the way others would perceive him/her.”

The Beckleys found the name Esmé, which means “loved,” in a baby names book.

“There is a minor character in the Twilight series named Esmé, so many people ask us if we named her after the book. But we didn't,” Karen said.

Since the name is unusual, the Beckleys dealt with educating people about the name.

“Some people mispronounce the name (saying EHZ-mee rather than EHZ-mae). Most ask us where we came up with the name. I'm sure many of them think it's weird,” Karen said. “But when we explain the meaning of the name and that it is an old, historical name, then they are quick to compliment its beauty.”

Married 11 years, the Beckleys felt blessed to have Esmé. They had always planned to adopt their first child but had an adoption fall though.

Casey Beckley is in charge of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at Northern Illinois University. On a mission trip to Africa in 2004, he and Karen connected with a special young girl at the orphanage where they were working. They took seven trips to Africa and Karen, a teacher, took time from work and lived in Kenya for 90 days on two different occasions. They paid for Rosa's schooling and were able to find a foster home for her while they worked to bring her to the United States. They kept in constant contact during the whole process.

“When the adoption fell through, we were devastated,” Karen said.

Even after Rosa passed the age for a legal adoption (16), the Beckleys never stopped trying to bring Rosa to the United States. This year, with help from North Central College in Naperville, Rosa came to the United States with a full scholarship to study at North Central.

“We're so happy,” she said. “Now our family is complete.”

The name Rosa is listed at 1,144 in the ranking at babycenter.com.

Even though the Beckleys didn't choose it, for them, it's perfect in every way.