'Jay-Cut' ... 'Just Jay' — maybe a nickname could boost Cutler's image

Jay Cutler's persona was psychoanalyzed and tied to a whipping post most of last week.

The Bears can only hope that their quarterback benefited on the way to playing his first NFL playoff game today in Soldier Field against Seattle.

Amateur analysts have studied Cutler since he arrived in Chicago. Recently ESPN's Trent Dilfer, ESPN: The Magazine's Rick Reilly and ESPN Classic's Vince Lombardi have bloodied him.

“There's this kid that isn't even born yet,” I swear I heard Lombardi say the other night over some old black-and-white footage. “He's got a great arm but all he does is grimace, shrug his shoulders and throw dumb interceptions.”

No, seriously, what Jay Cutler needs to have to stop all this is a nickname that tricks everybody into thinking there's a real live person behind his vacant eyes.

If only the media and public felt comfortable referring to Cutler as, say, Jay Bird, as in, “Hey, Jay Bird, whassup?”

The nickname doesn't have to be flattering. It just has to be recognizable enough to break down the wall that separates Cutler from those who long to embrace him.

Wait, I have it: How about Punky QB? Oh, right, that one's already taken, which proves the point.

Jim McMahon — an unlikable human being but endearing quarterback — is the one-and-only Punky QB.

McMahon was forgiven no matter what indiscretions he perpetrated.

Why was that? First, he was the quarterback when the Bears won Super Bowl XX; second, his nickname fit as Scarface and Machine Gun Kelly did.

If McMahon mooned a helicopter as a Bear or later blew his nose on a reporter as a Charger, it was, “Oh, that's just the Punky QB being the Punky QB.”

You see? If J-Cut — let's try that on Cutler for a moment — emotionally abused a fan or reporter, heck, that would just be J-Cut being J-Cut.

People who think Cutler is irritating must not remember what an irritant McMahon was while leading the Bears to a championship.

The difference is McMahon was the fabled Punky QB and Cutler is just Jay (maybe Just Jay could be his nickname).

“Knock-knock.”

“Who's there?”

“No one.”

“No one who?”

“No one, Just Jay.”

Listen, McMahon was beloved because he won a Super Bowl. But it didn't hurt that he built an identity that collapsed the barrier between him and the public, even if it was wrapped around smirks, snarls and snickers.

Listen, just to be straight here, Jay Cutler isn't likable. But he isn't as unlikable as McMahon, who still is liked by Bears' fans.

Cutler comes across as a guy who wouldn't leave any impression on strangers — which we all are to all athletes — if he weren't the Chicago Bears' quarterback.

Since that happens to be Cutler's job, however, everyone would have more fun if he weren't just a football player to us, especially if he ever leads the Bears to a Super Bowl.

You know, like Cutler would be more enjoyable even if he simply were known as a Quarterback of Shrugged Shoulders caricature in City of Big Shoulders country.

If Punky QB worked for a former Bears quarterback, maybe the current grumpy one from Santa Claus, Ind., could answer to something like Santa Scrooge.

How's that sound to you, Jay Bear, baby?

mimrem@dailyherald.com