Failure always a Cubs option

Baseball is a great place to retreat from the worries of the world.

You know, from serious things like money woes, health concerns and whether LeBron James is coming to Chicago.

I couldn't shake that third element Saturday afternoon during the Cubs' 3-1 upset victory over the Reds in Wrigley Field.

The conclusion was that if James signs with the Cubs and plays in celebrity basketball games around town wearing their uniform, well, The King will average 4.4 points, 3.3 assists and 2.2 rebounds.

Mike Ditka will post him up. Richie Daley will dunk over him. Oprah will block his shots and yell, "Get that weak (bleep) out of here!"

Failure happens to people in Cubbie blue. Just look at the opposing dugouts on this weekend.

Dusty Baker managed and played in World Series, came to the Cubs and left four years later looking like the dumbest man in baseball history.

"I left here with a bunch of (peoples') preconceived notions about what I am," he said before Saturday's game. "How I think. How I feel about things."

Now Baker is a wise man again and in first place as manager of the Reds.

Lou Piniella also managed and played in World Series, also came to the Cubs and is nearly four years later looks like he succeeded Baker as the dumbest man in baseball history.

The Cubs are 35-46 at the season's halfway point, meaning Piniella was smart 35 times and dumb 46 times. Trust me, when he escapes here his IQ will climb back over .500.

Think about it: The last three managers the Cubs hired, starting with Don Baylor, were the hottest on the market at the time. All left or are about to leave in ignominy.

Muhsin Muhammad said the Bears are where wide receivers go to die. Translated to baseball, the Cubs are where managers go to get dumb.

One of two things inflicts smart baseball men who join the Cubs: They suffer embarrassing seasons or frustrating postseasons.

Or both in the cases of Baker and Piniella.

Folks, none of these disappointments would happen if the Ricketts family bought the Cubs.

Wait, the Rickettses did buy them and suddenly went from shrewd business persons to dumb by association.

Not that it's their fault, unless you blame them for paying $845 million for a mess of elephant poop that not even an Old Spice sign next to the new Toyota ad could deodorize.

"Don't ask me," Baker said when asked to explain the Cubs' futility. "I can't fix that for that team. I don't have the energy. You only have so much energy."

It could be that nobody can fix a franchise that hasn't won a World Series since 1908 or even played in one since 1945.

It takes a village, or at least an organization. It takes an infrastructure starting at the top with ownership down to the bottom with batboys.

Baker points out that a team needs players, whether managed by Tony La Russa and Joe Torre or coached by Phil Jackson and Pat Riley.

There's only one problem with that.

Baseball's equivalent of LeBron James - like Albert Pujols - would come to the Cubs and hit .350 in embarrassing seasons and .180 in frustrating postseasons.

mimrem@dailyherald.com