Fine Cutlery: a Bears issue to chew on

Dinner has become a dirty word around here.

Like, isn't the VIP room at White Castle where Milton Bradley bamboozled Jim Hendry over sliders?

So when word arrived that Bears offensive coordinator candidate Mike Martz went to Nashville to share a meal with quarterback Jay Cutler.

Yikes! No wonder alarms blared and red lights flashed all over the local sports scene.

Ah, but we have to get over this fear of the fork, folks. All sorts of professionals consummate major business deals over meat and potatoes.

There is only one thing to be concerned about here: Was this NFL Films film "My Dinner with Mike" or "My Dinner with Jay"?

In other words, was Cutler interviewing Martz or was Martz interviewing Cutler?

Hopefully it wasn't the former because there would be a problem if the conversation went something like this.

Cutler: "You mind if I throw off my back foot into coverage?"

Martz: "No problem, sir."

Cutler: "Do you agree that an interception is as good as a punt?"

Martz: "Certainly, sir."

Cutler: "Good, then, it sounds like you will have no trouble working for me."

Martz: "None at all, sir."

That isn't the Mike Martz the Bears need as offensive coordinator. We better hope the talks went more like this.

Martz: "We'll have to start out by working on your mechanics."

Cutler: "Shere'sh nushink wrunk wish mah meshanics -"

Martz: "Don't talk with your mouth full, young man."

Cutler: "You can't speak to me in that tone."

Martz: "Somebody has to and it might as well be me."

Cutler: "Just pass me the salt."

Martz: "Young man, it's pass me the salt, please."

Cutler: "That's it, you're off my list of candidates."

Martz: "Fine, now dummy up and finish your veggies."

Now that's the formidable Mr. Martz the Bears need to coordinate their offense.

This particular style of interview process can work only if the interviewee is interviewing the interviewer as much as the interviewer is interviewing the interviewee.

Look, I know my characterization of Cutler is unfairly exaggerated. If some of us think he's spoiled it's because the Bears made him appear to be by babying him during the season and now allowing him input on the coordinator.

As smart football people put it: Owners own, general managers generally manage, scouts scout, coaches coach, and players play.

The Bears need to select a coordinator who will be more boss than buddy to Cutler.

If Cutler doesn't like the guy, too bad. He's your coach, son. Do what he tells you to do.

But let's be optimistic. As odd as it is for Cutler to participate in the hiring process, benefits can come from it.

How? If the candidate probed Cutler as much as Cutler probed the candidate.

No quarterback and no coach should be paired if they have clashing personalities to the point, say, a Jay Cutler would be set back.

But a wishful guess is that even if the Bears made Cutler feel too empowered, he might hesitate to be so toward somebody with Martz's credentials.

OK now, let's have an after-dinner drink.

Please.