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Imrem: Montero gave Chicago Cubs no choice, but it won't cure their ills

So much was made of the Chicago Cubs getting rid of backup catcher Miguel Montero on Wednesday that it seemed like the move cured all their ills.

You know, like his tongue was the reason the club has been teetering near the .500 mark.

Excuse the sarcasm, but this is personal. Montero and I are like body doubles, or at least I'm shaped like a Mini Miggy with a soft spot for him right around the belly.

The Cubs had to do what they did in divorcing Montero after he made selfish comments for the second time in nine months.

Actually, club president Theo Epstein and general manager Jed Hoyer might have been planning to dump him regardless.

Montero not only looked like me, he had started throwing like me and wasn't hitting enough to offset it.

Still, there was something comforting about seeing Montero in the clubhouse with myriad folds and pockets accessorizing his naked torso.

On a team where the average body fat is zero times zero, it was good to see a major-leaguer who looked a little like the rest of us.

Now he's gone.

Montero made ill-advised remarks about teammate Jake Arrieta after Tuesday night's loss at Washington.

On Joe Maddon's Kumbaya Cubs, Montero broke one of the manager's few rules by criticizing Arrieta.

Never mind that Montero was correct about Arrieta's halfhearted approach toward holding runners on base.

Arrieta has been like a distracted driver, texting friends from the mound while the opposition ran the fast lane past the Cubs.

Now there no longer will be wave-making remarks from a fringe catcher who went 0-for-31 this season throwing out basestealers.

So, what does my sarcasm predict will improve, considering Montero's outspoken nature was the least of their problems?

Perhaps potential divisions will be avoided over some players visiting the Trump White House on Wednesday and some choosing to RSVP regrets.

Heck, there might even be a reconciliation with TV viewers upset that "The Bachelorette" was pre-empted by the Cubs game.

Then again, maybe the Cubs' ills are too severe to be cured simply by replacing the veteran Montero with rookie Victor Caratini.

Maybe Montero's exit won't mean that Arrieta can go back to trying to lower his ERA.

Maybe Kyle Schwarber won't regain his inner Schwarbs, return to the majors and raise his batting average above .200.

Maybe the Cubs' defense won't feel free to stop fumbling, stumbling and bumbling and resume being historically good like last season.

That's the question: Will all be all right now or still be all wrong?

The Cubs need a spark, something, anything, that will remind them that they won the World Series just last November.

Caratini might be brash enough to pull Maddon aside and say, "Uh, Skip, you messed up Schwarber's mind a little by batting him leadoff; to fix whatever might be the end result of Kris Bryant's ankle injury; to maybe be the new conscience to get some Cubs to quit making mental mistakes and others to hurry back from the disabled list.

Most likely the Cubs have sprung so many leaks this season that they'll need to do more than just designate Miguel Montero for assignment.

Of course, I'm not exactly objective talking about my body double.

mimrem@dailyherald.com

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