Some schools struggling with what's happening on dance floor

Should students' behavior at high school dances change?

Administrators and parents say yes. As Neuqua Valley High School's Principal Bob McBride said in a recent e-mail to parents, what he saw during Homecoming last fall "crossed the line between dancing and sexual behavior."

Some students and some parents say no. The first draft of new rules for student behavior on Neuqua's dance floor was tested recently at the school's Turnabout dance. Many students left early, complaining bitterly that teachers were watching them too closely.

"Like any first draft, we will fine tune it," McBride said in an e-mail after Turnabout.

Administrators are working with students to clarify expectations and with staff for consistency in the monitoring.

To understand this, you need to know what the "dancing" looked like before, because your kids won't exactly tell you. The behavior of some (not most) students was grossly inappropriate. There were rumors of used condoms found afterward on the dance floor. Counter-rumors then circulated that the items were opened and thrown down unused, just to shock. The administration says some students, uncomfortable with the behavior, stopped attending. Some parents made that decision for their teens. Middle-school parents considered barring attendance from the first.

It has been going on a long time. Lee Ann Stremke moved here seven years ago; her husband, Steve, offered to chaperon their then-freshman daughter's first Neuqua dance. He agreed to monitor the dance floor because no one else was volunteering for that spot.

"He came home so depressed. He was depressed the whole weekend," Stremke said. "I never signed him up to chaperon again. Nor did he want to, which is sad.

"Think of all the girls who don't go (to dances) because they're uncomfortable. You've got the good kids staying home - and that's even sadder."

Natalie Goodwin, parent of a current sophomore, is cheering McBride's new rules.

"I've never heard of such conduct like that anywhere," she said. "We put our kids in this district because of its higher standard of education, but with the behaviors that are being demonstrated it's like we're sacrificing their morals."

The changes, she said, are "much needed and long overdue."

Goodwin was a chaperon at Turnabout last month, the first dance under new rules.

"Many students left the dance by 9:30 p.m. I thought the dance was empty, but I looked and saw that there were still lots of kids there and they were having fun, dancing, jumping up and down and laughing."

I also chaperoned Turnabout this year and last. Working coat check, I spoke to those students who left early. New rules for '09 made the dance "a flop," said one. "A waste of money," said another.

"I felt watched and uncomfortable," said one girl. "I was upset that my senior Turnabout was ruined by new rules."

The changes are a bitter pill for some and a relief for others. But everybody's vocal.

Many parents hear from their teens that the dance-floor monitoring was extreme. Kim Meier, parent of a senior daughter and an eighth-grade son, feels ambivalent.

"You want the kids to have a good time," she said. "If you want dances at the school, there's got to be some happy medium.

"I'm not saying we should cater to our kids. I feel bad for the seniors (because of the extreme surveillance), this is all they've ever known. But I want it better for my freshman coming in this fall. For my freshman, I'd like (the dances) to be cleaned up."

What kids don't realize is that something had to be done. And the changes that Neuqua students are experiencing aren't as extreme as they could be: A handful of Catholic high schools around the country have canceled dances because they couldn't condone the behavior.

McBride was concerned about what Neuqua was communicating to students.

"If we set no boundaries at public, school events," he e-mailed, "then what boundaries exist in private? Other public high schools in the area are grappling with this issue, too, and they also worry over the potential for sexual harassment and dating violence resulting from this type of dance behavior."

McBride knows his business and he's doing his job. I personally am grateful that our teens are no longer at risk in what should be, and now is, a safe school event. And to those teens who think the changes have taken the fun out of it, take heart. The monitoring is still being fine-tuned; the surveillance at Turnabout was a first attempt. It will get better as time goes on and people get used to it.

The changes I saw at Turnabout '09 weren't that onerous. The DJ was moved from the edge of the dance floor to the center, breaking up the too-warm, too-hidden middle area. The DJ kept the same playlist, but varied it with slow dances and older songs along with the techno and hip hop. The dance gym was less a black hole of darkness, and more ambient with a disco ball and softer lighting. Staff members were watching for inappropriate behavior, and asked those misbehaving to leave.

Many students left because they didn't like being watched, but at the dance's end, the gym was still well-populated, with those who stayed having a good time.

The administration communicated to students ahead of time, via meetings, e-mails, stories in the school paper and TV. Expectations were printed on each Turnabout ticket, which students signed as they purchased.

Goodwin said she thought the campus should have been closed for Turnabout, with everybody staying until it was over. As it was, students could leave early, but not re-enter.

Some Neuqua students, with parental support, are arranging an alternative prom.

But Meier says, "I want my kids in the safety of a school event. I want a place where they can go and have a good time."

With time and experience, Neuqua's dances will become exactly that, especially as current students graduate and new ones arrive.